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Inside Out July 6, 2005 , Volume I, Issue 7 |
| To read our blog click here or go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz and click on the "View our Web Journal" at the bottom of the page.. Read some of Kim's musing and add some of your own! |
A Message from Kim Hi everyone. This is the first issue of the monthly distribution of Inside Out---personal edition. There will not be another eZine published until the first week of August. I don’t know how that will work for everyone. If you want contact or have questions, then join me for a chat at my scheduled chat times which can be found listed on the calendar on the Events page of my website www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz. Chatting is fun and you don’t need to identify yourself. You can be whoever you want to be and just ask your questions or read the other caller’s input. This issue is about parents and teens. I have a Parent/Teen Weekend Workshop scheduled July 15-17, 2005 at the Holiday Inn in Chicago , IL . For details, click on this URL: http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz/ptworkshop.htm. After raising my two boys, I know that having teenagers in the home can be a very challenging time for parents and this workshop is designed to give you the information and skills you need to overcome the challenges and bring peace back into your home. Bring your teen for the R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Academy ---a training designed to increase self-esteem, develop self-discipline, improve critical thinking and expand problem solving skills. Maybe you don’t need to attend but you know some parents and teens who would benefit. Please, please, please pass on this information to anyone you believe can use it. When more parents learn Choice Theory parenting, parents and teens will be happier, couples will get along better and there will be so much less conflict in relationships. I want as many people as possible to hear the message. Parenting children in a Choice Theory way will only empower parents, get them the information they need about their children’s activities, make parents and teens allies instead of enemies and encourage teens to be more successful by increasing their self-esteem and their problem solving abilities. It is an amazing program. Can’t come to Chicago next weekend but want to know more about parenting peacefully? Then join us on the Peaceful Parenting teleclass where I will interview world renowned author of Peaceful Parenting, Dr. Nancy Buck. The class is scheduled for July 18, 2005 at 9 PM EDT. Please join us or purchase the class as a gift for someone you think would appreciate it. Go to www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz, click on the Events link at the top of the Home page, then click on the Peaceful Parenting teleclass listed on July 18th. It will take you to a description of the class and then you can go to the shopping cart to register and purchase at the bottom of that page. If you attempt to do this and need assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me at 708-957-6047. I realize that navigating websites can be confusing sometimes and mine is no exception. Please don’t miss this opportunity to reduce some of the stress of parenting. It doesn’t have to be so hard! |
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In this Issue E-Courses Book Review ************************ Managing Depression Peaceful Parenting Managing Change Weight Loss Chats
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Parenting---Roots and Wings I’m sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article. Copyright © June 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved ****************************** ****************************** "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." --Friedrich Nietzsche This quote supports what is written in this month’s feature article. It talks about how everyone can have their own way of doing things. No one way is the “correct” way. Just because someone does something differently than you would, doesn’t make him or her wrong! Their way is simply different. It is the same with your children. I know you want your children to learn from your mistakes. You want to save them from pain. You want them to do what you say because you are older, more experienced and hopefully wiser. However, the world does not work that way. You probably didn’t learn the stove was hot from someone telling you it was hot. You most likely had to feel for yourself. The same is true for your children. When you can give your children the gift of doing things their own way without criticism, it is an incredibly powerful thing. ****************************** When your child asks you to do something he or she has not done before and you are not completely comfortable with it, tell your child “yes” with a specific stipulation. The stipulation is that you need to be reasonably assured that he or she will be safe. Tell your child that as his or her parent, it is your job to keep your children safe. Children don’t like that but it's something difficult to argue with. Take time to think of your objections and concerns. As you discuss them one by one with your child, have your child explain to you how he or she would handle the concerns and situations you raise. Until your child can convince you that he or she has the knowledge and skills necessary to protect him or herself, then you need to withhold your permission until your child can convince you that he or she knows what to do. You do not have to believe, beyond a reasonable doubt, that he or she will actually use the skills they profess. It should be enough to know that they possess them. If and/or when your child enters a situation and doesn’t behave in the way your child told you he or she would, then you restrict your child’s freedom until he or she develops the requisite skills necessary to manage that freedom and then you restore the freedom. It’s a dance of trust. The positive thing is that you get to discuss your concerns and formulate plans with your child for managing the scary situations of adolescence.
************************ Unhappy Teenagers: A Way for Parents and Teens to Reach Them This is a good book that discusses and provides excellent examples of Choice Theory parenting, as well as Choice Theory teaching. For the sake of this review, I am concentrating on the parenting aspects of the book. A few years ago, my son was dating a girl whose parents were very strict. They didn’t allow her to do much independently with her friends that wasn’t associated with school activities---activities that they usually attended as well. This may sound like a good way to keep their daughter safe and free from the distractions and negative behavior that most parents fear. However, what actually happened is that this girl, who really did want to please her parents for the most part, started to rebel. She wasn’t allowed to do many of the things her friends did so she began to lie to her parents to get to do “normal” things. When her friends were having a party that her parents wouldn’t approve of, this girl, call her Sarah, would tell her parents that she was staying at Susie’s house and Susie would tell her parents that she was staying at Sarah’s house and the two girls would be out all night unsupervised and no one knew where they were or what they were doing. This is an incredibly dangerous situation. I was concerned about Sarah. One day, she saw Unhappy Teenagers: A Way for Parents and Teens to Reach Them on the back seat of my car and asked to borrow it. I let her take it and she loved the book and wanted her mother to read it. She showed her mother the book and her mother was so hurt that she threw the book outside in the yard. She also proclaimed that Dr. Glasser probably never had any children of his own. Well, I wish I could say that this story had a happy ending. The girl’s parents continued to be very strict and the girl continued to lie and do many things she wouldn’t have normally done had she just had some permission to explore the world. All parties survived the girls’ adolescence but it could have been so much easier. Just so you know, Dr. Glasser did raise children of his own and he has a very empowering method for both parents and children that is outlined in this book. Everyone wins. He is not suggesting that parents throw up their hands in dismay and just let their children do whatever they want to do. He is proposing that there is a way for parents to be empowered and to empower their teens at the same time. Read the book, you won’t be sorry. Click here to order this book |
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How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree? All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my e-zines and send me their e-mail addresses for confirmation with the name of the teleclass you would like to attend. If you do not wish to attend one of the teleclasses, you can give your f.ree teleclass to a friend or family member. It’s that simple! Send either one or both of the following links to all your friends and family and ask them to subscribe to the e-zine. For the personal edition of "Inside Out", go to The Relationship Center and for the business/school edition go to Coaching for Excellence and have them type their name and email address in the boxes on the right-hand side of the web page where it says, “Subscribe to Receive 'Inside Out', our Fr.ee eZine". Only two people actually have to subscribe for you to be eligible for a f.ree teleclass. Once their subscription has been confirmed you will receive an e-mail giving you the bridge line and access code for the teleclass of your choosing. A listing of teleclasses being offered can be found in both my weekly e-zine or on my calendar page at either web site. There is no limit to the amount of f.ree teleclasses you can earn---you get one f.ree teleclass for every two referrals that sign up for one of my e-zines. Within the next year I am planning on adding many new teleclasses on several topics including the following: Weight Loss Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses. Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home. Copyright © July 6, 2005 Kim Olver. |
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