In this Issue

Feature Article
Losing Weight: Understanding Why You Eat
by Kim Olver

Teleconferences

Workshops

Chat Room

Quote of the Month
"Of all the creatures of earth, only human beings can change their patterns....
--William James

Tip of the Month

Book Review
The Overfed Head
by Rob Stevens

Relationship Q&A

Products & Services

About Kim Olver

Subscribe to Inside Out

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Upcoming
Events

Click on title of class for more information and to register or visit
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Teleconferences

All teleconferences are one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference.  You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available. 

Goal Setting & Attainment: Set Your World on Fire!
Offered at two times on two different dates for your convenience:

March 30, 2009
8:00 - 9:00 p.m.
1:30 - 2:30 p.m

Are you serious about attaining your goals next year? Do you want to do more than make a New Year's Resolution that you forget by the time the Super Bowl is on television? Join me on the free teleconference to learn my time-tested 7-Step process for Goal Attainment. We will do more than set goals--we will discuss a system that will exponentially increase your opportunity for success. Also, my Goal Attainment System is multi-faceted. You won't just be focusing your attention on your career goals unless you want to. My system has you take a look at all areas of your life so you can accomplish optimal work/life balance. There is nothing to lose but an hour of your time and so much to gain. Let's make this your best year yet!

Workshops

Parent Institute Day- Building Your Child's Self-Esteem

March 27, 2009
8:00 a.m. - 3: 30 p.m.
Prairie State College -Chicago Heights, IL

STRONG CHILDREN, STRONG COMMUNITES: A unique networking conference for parents and educators

Relationship Empowerment
April 6, 2009
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
7:00 - 9:00 PM CT
$29.00 (Bring your partner or a guest for free)

So often, couples get stuck in a rut where each individual is waiting for the other to change their ways. In this workshop, participants will learn to engage in the seven caring habits by following the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. Gender differences in relationships will be explored. Participants will learn the three possible relationship choices. Participants will learn a negotiation strategy so both partners win. People will leave knowing that they have the power to change their relationships regardless of what their partners do.

Introduction to Choice Theory©

April 6, 2009
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. CT
$69.00

Choice Theory® takes the mystery out of behavior—yours and theirs. It provides and explanation for why we do the things we do. Choice Theory ® explains how a person’s perceptions shape their reality and teaches the four components of behavior. Armed with this new knowledge, problem conceptualization becomes much easier and the path to taking effective action is clearer.  

One of the things I like best about Choice Theory® is its wide-spread application—you can use it in your personal, as well as your professional life. It provides transferable skills for everyday life. Choice Theory® helped me to become a better counselor, mother, life partner, friend and a better all around person. When you truly embrace its teachings, Choice Theory® becomes a way of life instead of a hypothetical theory of human behavior.

Empowerment Parenting
April 7, 2009
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
7:00 - 9:00 PM CT
$29.00 (Bring your partner or a guest for free)

This workshop helps parents to understand the psychology behind what is happening with their children at various stages. Parents will learn how to align themselves with their child’s resistance for increased cooperation and compliance. Parents will learn how to sacrifice what they want now—strict compliance, for what they REALLY want—a responsible, caring, child who is capable of making rational decisions. Empowerment Parenting teaches parents simple skills and strategies for helping their children successfully make it through the challenging phases of their lives. Parenting children is no easy task. They don’t come with an instruction manual. Times are different that when your parents parented you! Empowerment parenting shows parents how to compromise and negotiate with their children as they gradually increase freedom as their child demonstrates the responsible behavior to handle and appropriately manage that freedom. This is a challenging way to parent. It is truly parenting for the 21st century.

Inside Out

Personal Edition

“You can't change the direction  of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!”

             ---Jimmy Dean

Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC

www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz

February 26 , 2009 - Volume 5, Issue 2

A Message from Kim

Hi Everyone,

Did you know that February is Eating Disorders Awareness Month so my newsletter this month is devoted to your relationship with yourself, specifically in the weight loss category. So many of us battle with extra weight and it has such an effect. Not only does it affect our health and physical comfort but it can also affect our relationships with others and worst of all, our relationship with ourselves, by lowering our self-esteem.

It is my sincere hope that a combination of things happen as the result of this newsletter. First of all, learn to love your body, whatever shape it's in. You can't be good to something that you despise. Be grateful for the level of health you do enjoy. I had a good friend and I must admit, I always admired her breasts. I thought they were perfect and I was envious. Do you know, she recently underwent a mastectomy? The lesson for me was to appreciate what I have.

Start there. Don't stop there. You can learn to appreciate your not-so-perfect body and be grateful for your current level of health and still strive to be good to yourself to improve what's already there. Begin to consciously think about what you put in your mouth for nourishment. Ask yourself if it will serve you or deplete you.

One of the things I am constantly saying is that in order to be truly happy, sometimes we need to give up what we want right now (the hot fudge sundae) for what we really want (a trim, healthy body).

So:

1. Stay conscious.
2. Appreciate yourself.
3. Keep your eye on the ultimate goal.
   

Make today the day you want it to be! 
                Unleash the power within you.

Kim Olver

Feature Article

Losing Weight: Understanding Why You Eat
by Kim Olver

One of the first things in learning to change a behavior is to bring into conscious awareness why you do the thing you are attempting to stop doing. Losing weight is a theme common to many who have enough in their lives that their own starvation is not something that concerns them. According to Inside Out Empowerment, we know that all behavior is purposeful. We never do anything for no reason. Everything is done in our best attempt to get something we want.

Let’s take a look at eating and list some possible things you are trying to get by eating when you aren’t hungry. We will look within the context of the five basic human needs.

Survival Needs:

• Hunger: the only good reason to eat is that you are hungry and need to refuel your body.
• Prevent Hunger: I have a friend whose mother taught him eating is what you do so you don’t get hungry. Can you imagine what happens when we start eating to prevent hunger?
• Self-Soothing: sometimes you may eat to comfort yourself.  Some food is called “comfort food” for a reason. It takes us back to a time when things were simpler and everything felt safe.
• It’s Free: Do you ever eat because someone else is picking up the check and you look at it as saving money?

Love & Belonging Needs:

• Companionship: Sometimes you eat to spend time with your friends. You know, everyone is going out to eat and you don’t want to be left out.
• Manners: Sometimes you might eat because you have been told it is rude not to.

Power Needs:

• Gain Weight: Sometimes our poor eating habits start because we want to gain weight to improve our body image. I remember when I was a kid and I looked down at my body, I didn't like my knobby knees and made a conscious attempt to eat to make my legs bigger. Wow, what I wouldn’t give for those knobby knees now!
• See and be Seen: Sometimes we go out to social events to see and be seen. Food is almost always a part of these events.

 Freedom Needs:

• Freedom from Unpleasant Emotions: This is a big reason many eat. It’s often called emotional eating. We eat to reduce stress, soothe unhappiness, chomp through anger, stave off loneliness, and alleviate boredom. Eating was never designed to do these things but once we make that association, we are more likely to continue using eating to help ourselves feel better.
• Because I Can: At times we eat as if throwing caution to the wind. Oh, what the heck, I can work out longer on the treadmill. Or it may even be a situation where you just want to prove you can eat something not so good for you but it sure tastes good at the time.

Fun Needs:

Fun: Let’s face it. Sometimes food can be just plain fun. If we combine it with friends, family, desserts, fancy dishes, a love of cooking/baking, then sometimes we eat just for the pure enjoyment of it.

This is certainly not meant to be an exhaustive list but simply a start to triggering your thinking about what you are trying to get when you eat when you are not hungry. If you recognize yourself in any of these, then it’s time look at your motivation for eating in the light of day. Ask yourself the following:

1. If I am trying to get ________________________ by eating, how is that working for me?
2. What else could I do that might be more effective and more responsible?
3. What’s one thing I can implement every day this week that will make a positive change in this area?

 Copyright © March 2009 Kim Olver. All rights reserved.

Click here to read some of Kim's other articles

Quote of the Month

"Of all the creatures of earth, only human beings can change their patterns. Man alone is the architect of his destiny ... Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives."

--William James

Yes, humans are the only beings that have the capacity to think about their own thoughts. This is an incredible gift. It means we can make adjustments in how we think about things and thus change our inner and outer experience.

In preparing to make any kind of change to already established behavior, the first thing that is required is a consciousness of the behavior you are trying to change. Old habits are like the default programming on the computer. While you are conscious about doing it the new way, you can direct yourself to engage in your newly developed behavior. However, the moment you allow your consciousness to diminish, you are in danger of engaging the default programming--your old routine habits.

This will occur when you are stressed, tired, not feeling well, are out of time or simply get preoccupied. Consciousness is your friend. It is difficult but not impossible to change the routine. Get some help
. . .hire a coach.

Book Review

The Overfed Head: What is everything you know about weight loss is wrong?
by Rob Stevens

This is a very quick read--only 142 pages. It is written by a guy who lost 140 pounds, without exercise. Basically, all he did was start really tuning in to his body. If he felt hungry he ate but he only ate until he wasn't hungry anymore. He didn't eat until he was full or beyond. He stopped when the hunger signals abated.

He also didn't forbid himself from eating supposedly "bad foods." Rob knows that when he has a particular craving, like many of us, nothing will satisfy but the object of that craving. I remember myself one time I was attempting not to eat chocolate. In my quest to not eat the chocolate, I ate my way through half my refrigerator and then ended up eating the chocolate anyway!

With Rob's method, I would have allowed myself the chocolate but only enough to satisfy my hunger.

As with most new information, I would recommend you read this book a couple of times. I know for me, while I was reading it and immediately after, I did really well only eating when I was hungry but over time, I began to drift back to older, established behavior patterns. I suggest you reread this quick book every six months or so. Let me know how it works out for you.

Click here to order this book

Join our book club at Inside Out Central

Tip of the Month

My tip this month is a reinforcement of what I already said in the book review. It's about paying attention to what your body tells you.

Have you ever attempted to feed an infant that wasn't hungry? Didn't work out so well, did it? That's because an infant is very much in touch with their body's cues. They KNOW when they are hungry and they KNOW when they've had enough. They have not yet come to be concerned about hurting your feelings. They just do what feels correct.

If you can get back into the mind you had when you were born, that mind totally had your best interests at heart. You instinctively knew what you needed and how to rally others around you who would help in your quest. You may not remember what that was like but today, right now, ask yourself the question, "Am I really hungry"? If the answer is no, then don't eat. If it is yes, then simply eat at a leisurely pace until you are no longer hungry. Then stop.

It's really that simple. What's hard is remembering to ask yourself, "Am I really hungry"? Put a big sign with that question on it somewhere you are likely to go for food--on your refrigerator, pantry, cupboards, or office snack supply.

When you remember to ask, honor the answer.

Relationship Q & A

Question: The problem I have is I do well for awhile and then I find myself slipping slowly back into bad habits again.  What can I do to stay motivated?

Answer: This is a great question--one I know many people struggle with. Did you know scientists have discovered we have a weight set point? Somewhere in our subconscious programming there is a weight amount that represents our subconscious comfort zone. It sure isn't our conscious comfort zone, but it is subconsciously. It acts in much the same way as a thermostat in your house does. It has its set point and as long as you don't go below it, everything is fine. But if you begin to lose weight and dip below that set point, your subconscious will kick in and do things to sabotage your conscious efforts to lose weight.

So, what can you do? Affirmations, visualizations and meditatation, all work to change the subconscious programming. Another thing I've found helpful is to take your weight loss to the 5th Degree of Inquiry. Keep asking yourself the question, "Why is losing weight important to me"? Ask it and answer until you have taken it down five levels.

Here is what it sounds like when I ask myself the question?

Q: Why do you want to lose weight?
A: So I can look better. (1st Degree)

Q: Why do you really want to lose weight?
A: So I can be healthier. (2nd Degree)

Q: Why is being healthier important?
A: Well, I'm getting older now and I want a good quality of life as I live a long life. (3rd Degree)

Q: Why is quality of life important to you?
A: I still have a lot of work to do and messages to deliver and I want to feel good enough to do it with passion. (4th Degree)

Q: And why is that important?
A: When I do my life's work, I won't be believable if I don't walk the talk. I have to take the ideas I teach and really live them. Otherwise it won't matter how great the information is I have to share because I won't have credibility. (5th Degree)

Do you see how it takes things down to the most important level? My losing weight isn't really about looking better, it's about being congruent with what I teach. In order to stay motivated, I need to remind myself each day why I am on the weight loss path and it will be much harder to sabotage myself. I wish you well on your journey.

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