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This Month's Feature Teleclasses

Lose the Weight You Want Forever!
January 3, 2006 -- 7:00 - 8:00 p.m.

Learn Choice Theory, the new psychology of personal freedom, and find out why you do what you do---no matter what is behind your weight issue, this theory can provide a framework for understanding. Along with this knowledge comes a decision for you to make---what are you going to do about this new knowledge? You will explore your past successes, your food triggers and the thoughts you tell yourself. You will learn ways to reprogram your mind for long lasting change.

Goal Setting & Attainment
January 12, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m. est
February 28, 2006 -- 7:00 - 8:00 p.m. est

Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year's resolutions? Let's really get serious about setting those goals for next year. Neural reconditioning is a step that is rarely discussed but is critical to your long term success. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year's resolutions. No More excuses.

In this Issue

Featured Article 
Lose the Weight you Want Forever

Upcoming Events
Teleclasses
Workshops
Chat Room

E-Courses

Quote of the Week:
"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now."
--Zig Ziglar

Tip of the Month

Book Review

When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy
by Geneen Roth

Relationship Q&A

F-r-e-e Teleclass Offer 

Tip Sheets

Free Stuff

About Kim Olver

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Upcoming Events
Click on title of class to order
teleclass or visit
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
ALL TIMES IN EST 

Teleclasses  
All teleclasses are one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleclass.  You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available. 
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Relationships
the Choice Theory Way

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Lose the Weight You Want Forever!
January 3, 2006 -- 7:00 - 8:00 p.m.
Learn Choice Theory, the new psychology of personal freedom and find out why you do what you do---no matter what is behind your weight issue, this theory can provide a framework for understanding. Along with this knowledge comes a decision for you to make---what are you going to do about this new knowledge? You will explore your past successes, your food triggers and the thoughts you tell yourself. You will learn ways to reprogram your mind for long lasting change.

Goal Setting & Attainment
January 12, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.
February 28, 2006 -- 7:00 -8:00 p.m.
Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year's resolutions? Let's really get serious about setting those goals for next year. Neural reconditioning is a step that is rarely discussed but is critical to your long term success. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year's resolutions. No More excuses.

Foster Parenting Teleseries
Six (6) hour teleseries commencing, Tuesday January 10, 2006 and continuing for five (5) consecutive weeks (except February 14th) from 7:30 - 8:30 p.m. EST. Click on link for more information or to purchase. Foster Parent Agencies - Please click here to order this teleseries

FREE Teleclass - How to Talk to Your Adolescent
January 17, 2006 9:00 -10:00 p.m.
February 16, 2006 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.
March 12, 2006 - 5:00 - 6:00 p.m.
Have you ever attempted to have a discussion with your teen that turned into a war zone? Have you tried to talk to you teen and been ignored or dismissed? Talking to teenagers in a way that they hear us is a challenge. There is a delicate line to walk between sharing your knowledge, values, and experiences and lecturing (what your child believes he or she hears). Would you like to maximize the chances your child will listen to you? Join us on this call to learn how to deliver information in a way that your child can hear. Learn how to negotiate to minimize conflict in your relationship. Learn how to become friends with your teenager again while still maintaining your parental role.

Clarifying Expectations
January 17, 2006 -- 6:00 - 7:00 p.m.
Do you find yourself getting frustrated by the others living in your home because they just don’t do things the way you want them done? Feel like you’ve told them the same thing over and over again? This teleclass will help you broach those difficult subjects in a way that will maximize cooperation.

How to Do More in Less Time
January 26, 2006 -- 1:00 - 2:00 p.m.
At the end of the day do you go home wondering just what exactly you accomplished? Do you spend a lot of time running around in circles? This teleclass will provide you with time-tested systems for staying organized, working smarter and actually getting more done in less time affording you more time to play. Sound good?

Value Clarification -Learn What's Most Important to You
January 31, 2006 -- 9:00-10:00 p.m.
Do you often find yourself in conflict with people in your life? They just don’t understand you or you don’t understand them and the whys and hows of what they do? Do you wish those close to you would just do things the right way? You can continue to be upset over this lack of cooperation or you can attend this class and learn better ways to manage these differences to reduce your own stress and frustration. You will gain the insight and understanding necessary to accept other people’s ways without irritation and disappointment.

How to Know if He/She is "The One"
February 2, 2006 -- 8:00 - 9:00 p.m.
Are you thinking of making a major commitment to someone in your life? Are you single and not wanting to make the same mistakes you’ve made before? Join this class and learn about things that should be warning signs and how to know if you are with a person who is good for you.

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Workshops  
Let's put RELATE back in RELATIONSHIP! 
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April 21-23, 2006
Parent/Teen Relationship Weekend
All our subscribers are entitled to an introductory price until
January 18, 2006. Click on above link for more information

This workshop teaches you secret strategies to assist your child to become more goal directed, responsible and cooperative. This workshop can change your life and bring peace back into your home. It will teach you how to provide for your child’s safety, without fighting and to increase the genuine loving relationship between you. You will be encouraged, enlightened, and exhorted in ways that you never thought possible.   For a more detailed description of this weekend workshop and to purchase click on the link above.   Don't wait, the introductory price is for a limited time only. If you are considering purchasing this workshop, but are still unsure why not join us on our f.ree teleclass, "How to Talk to Your Teen". Click here for more information.

Chats
All times listed in EST

Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times:

January 5, 2006 - 4:00 - 5:00 p.m.
January 14, 2006 - 5:00 - 6:00 p.m.
January 18, 2006 - 6:00 - 7:00 p.m.
January 24, 2006 -
11:00 a.m. - 12: 00 p.m.

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E-Courses

Relationship Magic
In this 16-week course, couples or singles looking for a mate, will learn about their basic needs, explore their value systems, and discuss and articulate their general goals and direction for their lives. They will learn about some significant differences between men and women and be taught some secrets to satisfying their partner better by speaking the language of their partner. Kim’s new golden rule is: “Do unto others as they would want you to do unto them!” Giving to our partners what we would want for ourselves is often ineffective, misunderstood and sometimes damaging to our relationships. We will discuss ways to increase effective communication, minimize the use of the deadly relationship habits and maximize the implementation of the caring relationship habits. Sensitive topics that frequently create conflict between couples will be discussed: parenting, finances, free time together or apart, jealousy, sex, and extended family & friends. Finally, ways to minimize and manage conflict will be taught and you will have opportunities to practice. Email support will be provided between lessons---one email per week to answer questions or clarify content. Only $75.00.

Parenting your Child without Navigating a War Zone
In this 20-week course, parents will learn how to work with their children to create a harmonious home environment where each are able to get what they need. We will discuss yesterday’s model of parenting, as well as why it’s ineffective with children today. You will learn a firm foundation in Choice Theory, which explains all human behavior---including yours and your children’s. You will learn how to negotiate win/win solutions so as not to experience all the resistance children like to use. Issues such as homework; sex; drinking/drugs; choice of friends; curfew; chores; music, hairstyle, piercings and tattoos; and bedtime are all weekly lessons designed to give you some insight as to how to manage those situations with your children. Only $100.00

Finding Peace after the Loss of Your Loved One
In this 12-week course, you will learn techniques to help ease the pain of the death of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship or the separation from a loved one due to distance. You will learn ways to articulate the loss, understand your anger and frustration, taking inventory of all you have lost, finding ways to memorialize your loved one as an inoculation to the depression and learning to reframe the experience. Kim lost her husband six years ago and has first-hand experience in how to ease that pain. Help yourself rejoin the living by taking this e-course. You won’t even have to leave your home. Only $50.00

Lose the Weight You Want Forever
In this 12-week course, you will learn Choice Theory, the new psychology of personal freedom, as an explanation for why you do what you do---no matter what is behind your weight issue, this theory can provide a framework for understanding. How many times have you attempted to lose weight only to gain it and more back again? Are you tired of being on a diet? Wonder what makes this program different? Well, in the first place, it is done in the privacy of your own home at your own pace. You decide when to complete the next lesson. This program does not focus on the number on the scale. It is about what you tell yourself and the habits in which you engage. Most weight loss programs fail because you are still having thoughts and behavior that support your bad habits. This program will help you change that. You will learn the psychology and physiology about weight loss. Along with this knowledge comes a decision for you to make---what are you going to do with this new knowledge? You will explore your past successes, your food triggers and the thoughts you tell yourself. You will learn ways to reprogram your mind for long lasting change. This program can help you become more satisfied when you look in the mirror. You will be able to visualize the end result from the beginning. You will find the right and healthy weight for yourself and be happy when you accomplish it. You will have more energy and a more positive outlook on life. Give it a try. We offer a 150% money back guarantee. If you have applied the ideas in this course and are not completely satisfied with the quality of the program, then you simply let us know and we will refund what you paid plus 50% and you get to keep the lessons you were sent besides! How can you lose? And it’s Only $50---much less than other weight loss programs!

Lose the Weight You Want Forever
by Kim Olver

I know this is the time of year when there is all kinds of information available about weight loss. If everyone has the information available to him or her, then why is losing weight so difficult? The answer is relatively simple for those of us who have added some extra weight—we need to eat less and exercise more. So, why do we continually find ourselves in the same place year after year with carrying around more weight than we want to?

The problem is that there are many nonconscious issues that often sabotage our best-laid plans. This article will help you understand some of what may be preventing you from making the forward progress that you want.

Preliminary Steps

One of the first things to look at is your need strength profile. This is a self-assessment that determines which of a person’s five basic needs drives the majority of that person’s behavior. All of us have the same five basic needs but freedom may be my highest need, while love & belonging may be yours and survival may be someone else’s. The other two needs are power and fun. These all play a huge role in why we do the things we do in the way we do them.

Next it is important to seriously consider all the things you want in your life, not just your weight loss goals but the whole of everything you want to do, have and experience in your life. Ask yourself the question, "What do I want? If I could have anything, what would it be? What do I really, truly want?"

After that, you want to narrow down what you want to a complete vision of how things will change for you after losing the weight you want to lose. What will you have that you don’t have now? What will you do differently? How will you be different? You must be able to clearly see the finished version of what you are attempting to accomplish with all its accompanying perks. This will become your own personal mental movie or daydream of how you want your life to be after accomplishing your weight loss goals. You will begin to visualize your success at least once a day.

The next step is to record all the things you do that both help or hinder your progress toward your weight loss plan. So, for example, if you were able to resist donuts for breakfast, write that down. If you ordered dessert after a meal at a restaurant, record that as well. In addition to the actual behaviors, you also must write down the thoughts and feelings you experience that either help or hinder your progress, too.

So, if you think to yourself, “It’s OK if I have this piece of chocolate. I was really good yesterday”—write that down. Then, if you have the thought, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels”—write that down too. If you’re feeling bored and you grab a bag of potato chips, record the boredom feeling. If you feel elated when you skip a favorite dessert, write that down also. Keep track of everything you do, think and feel that either helps or impedes your progress toward your weight loss goals.

The next step is to critically evaluate the things you are doing, thinking and feeling and ask yourself the difficult question—“If I keep doing everything the way I’ve been doing it, will I end up with what I REALLY want? Will I accomplish the vision I have of my new life that I created in my mental movie?”

If your answer is yes, then great! You probably don’t even need to continue reading this article. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will get there. However, if your answer is no, then read on.

If your answer is no, then hopefully you have been successful in creating some cognitive dissonance for yourself. This is an uncomfortable feeling that provides you with information that you need to make some changes. Without experiencing this cognitive dissonance, it’s easy to continue with the bad habits we have developed over time. People generally don’t implement changes in their lives unless they are in some serious pain.

Zig Zigler, a great motivational speaker says, “The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now." When you are trying to make a change as big as losing weight, you must constantly keep your eyes on the prize.

If you’re not moving forward toward your goal, the first thing you need to examine is: Do you have a burning desire to accomplish your goal? Whatever your weight and fitness goal is, you must have a burning desire to accomplish it.

Another possibility is that up until now you haven’t had a very good plan about how to go about losing weight. Without a solid plan, there will easily be loopholes allowing you to sabotage your success. Willpower alone only takes us so far when we are fighting our brain’s conditioning.

A third possibility is that you want something else that is competing with your weight loss plan. There are many possibilities to consider but you will find some clues, either hidden or obvious, in the list of your behaviors, thought and emotions that you previously developed. What do you do, think and feel instead of the things that will ensure your success with your weight loss plan? An excellent question to ask yourself is: “What would you have to give up to become successful with your weight loss goals?”

Once you become conscious of the other things you want in addition to losing weight, you have some decisions to make. Is the thing you want something you want more than losing weight? If it is, then you can decide to give up on the idea of losing weight and simply be content doing, having or obtaining the other thing you want. You will then have a new goal toward which to work.

Another option is to consciously decide that you want to lose weight more than anything else. If that occurs, then you must specifically target your personal areas of temptation in your neural reconditioning program, which I will explain later.

Finally, the last option involves figuring out some kind of compromise so that you can have some of each of the things you want. For example, I just read in a magazine of a movie star who restricts her carbohydrate intake six days a week but then she allows herself as much pizza as she wants on Sundays. That’s a workable compromise.

The final question to ask yourself is: “Am I willing to do the necessary work to make my plan come to fruition?”

Click here for the full article

Copyright © January 2006 Kim Olver. All rights reserved

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Click here or on icon to read some of Kim's articles

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Quote of the Week

"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now."

--Zig Ziglar

Never is this quote more true than for people who are struggling to lose weight. We often trade that dessert, piece of chocolate or bag of potato chips for our long term goal of losing weight and becoming more physically fit. We must learn to put off momentary, fleeting satisfaction for the greater satisfaction of disciplining ourselves to accomplish the goals that will truly make a difference in our lives.

This month, I’d like to leave you with a quote by Jack Canfield, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”

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Tip of the Month.

I believe that anytime we make an attempt to change our current habitual behavior, we must scrutinize our current behavior and all the benefit we get out of doing things the way we have been doing them. This means looking at our five basic needs and figuring out which one(s) is/are the one(s) currently being satisfied. If you are a binge eater, you may be meeting your need for freedom. If you often eat out socially, your issue may be more about your love & belonging need. Some people eat to gain control over their emotions. When they are angry, they can chew their way through a bag of potato chips instead of lashing out at someone important to them. This may meet their need for power. Sometimes, we eat simply because its fun. And finally, sometimes we eat for comfort which would be meeting our need for survival.

No matter which need(s) are currently being met, whenever you engage your plan to change your present behavior, you will be frustrating that need by making any changes. What I know for sure is that your desire to meet that need will not go away—in fact, it will most likely grow stronger because you are denying yourself its satisfaction. So, in order to increase the odds that you will be successful at losing weight, you must build alternative ways to get your important needs met into your plan. For example, if freedom is your need, then what can you do instead that helps you feel free but won’t interfere with your weight loss goals? Maybe you can ride a bike, buy something new or take a bubble bath. Consider alternative behaviors for each of the needs that are currently satisfied by the behavior you are attempting to change.

If you have questions about this, feel free to contact me at 708-957-6047 or email me at kim@therelationshipcenter.biz.

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Book Review

When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy
by Geneen Roth

This is an excellent book for people who believe their eating issues may spring from trauma they experienced during their childhood. Ms Roth discloses some of her own personal struggles from her childhood with an abusive mother and her subsequent trouble with intimacy. Her focus on needing to relive childhood traumas in order to move beyond them is contrary to my thinking but I do believe it is helpful to understand what is motivating a person’s behavior so that when he or she attempts to do battle with that behavior and make changes, his or her plans will be in line with effectively replacing the important things that the person will be giving up by making the changes. Ms. Roth discusses how people often substitute food for love in their lives. She talks about how hard it is to enjoy the good things without trying to sabotage them.

The book is a very good read, in fact, it reads more like a novel than a self-help book. For those who can relate to early childhood abuse, this book will resonate with you. For those of you who don’t have that in your background, you may receive value anyway from experiencing Ms. Roth’s honest and poignant account of her life, struggles and ability to overcome and help others do the same. This book will help you learn other ways to comfort yourself that don’t include food.

Click here to order this book

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Relationship Q&A

Q: How does a person stay motivated to continue on a weight loss path after working the program for a few months?

A: This is an excellent question. Commonsense tells us that working the program and losing the weight should be motivational enough. If you are actually seeing results and usually the results are significant in the early stages of a weight loss program, that should be enough to motivate you to continue. Then, you will have people who will tell you that you have to reward yourself when you achieve small successes. I am a proponent of rewarding oneself, although I caution that it should be something unrelated to the behavior you are attempting to change. For example, you wouldn’t reward yourself with a hot fudge sundae after losing ten pounds!

However, I say the biggest reason people lose motivation is that they have nonconscious programming in their minds that tells them they weigh a certain amount. This programming works like the thermostat you have in your home. You have your thermostat set to a certain temperature. While there may be slight variations in temperature, whenever it falls below or above what the set point is, the heating/air conditioning system kicks in to regulate the temperature. This is the same way your nonconscious programming works. You may be able to lose or gain a certain amount of weight but once you move beyond the allowed variance determined by your programming, then your brain kicks in to bring your weight back in line with its set point.

The best way to work on combating this issue is through neural reconditioning. The three components include—meditation, affirmations and visualizations. These routines are critical if you are attempting to make changes that may be regulated by nonconscious programming we have in our psyches. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to learn more about neural reconditioning.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor, certified in Reality Therapy. This column is for readers to submit their relationship questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about a couple relationship, a parenting relationship, a grief and loss relationship, a co-worker or friend relationship or even a question about your relationship with yourself.  No relationship question is off limits! To ask your question, simply send it by email to kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz and look for her response in future issues

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F-r-e-e Teleclass Offer

How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree?  All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my eZines and send me their e-mail addresses for confirmation with the name of the teleclass you would like to attend.  If you do not wish to attend one of the teleclasses, you can give your f.ree teleclass to a friend or family member.  It’s that simple!   Send either one or both of the following links to all your friends and family and ask them to subscribe to the eZine.  For the personal edition of "Inside Out",  go to The Relationship Center and for the business edition go to Coaching for Excellence and have them type their name and email address in the boxes on the right-hand side of the web page where it says, “Subscribe to Receive 'Inside Out', our Fr.ee eZine".  Only two people actually have to subscribe for you to be eligible for a f.ree teleclass.  Once their subscription has been confirmed you will receive an e-mail giving you the bridge line and access code for the teleclass of your choosing.  A listing of teleclasses being offered can be found in both my monthly e-zine or on my classes page at either web site.  There is no limit to the amount of f.ree teleclasses you can earn---you get one f.ree teleclass for every two referrals that sign up for one of my eZines. Within the next year I am planning on adding many new teleclasses on several topics including the following:

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Weight Loss
Building Quality Relationships
Foster Parenting
Stop Lying NOW
Children & Divorce
Managing Depression

         …….and many more. 

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Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses.  Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home. 

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Tip Sheets

Relationship Improvement Tip Sheet - A fourteen (14) page document loaded with helpful tips on how to improve your relationship with the significant people in your life. FREE when you purchase one of our Coaching Packages or available by direct purchase by clicking on the title above. Click here to go to our list of coaching packages.

Parenting Tip Sheet - Nineteen (19) page Tip Sheet on how to parent your child in today's world using Choice Theory Parenting. Choice Theory Parenting involves a process in which you learn to understand the inherent conflict between you and your child and learn about the five basic human needs. Understanding these basic needs, which we are all born with, will help you improve the relationship with your child and maintain that relationship through the adolescent years.

Anger Management Tip Sheet - In this seven (7) page tip sheet, you will gain some insight into your own anger and learn methods for getting it under control. And if you have no problem with your own anger, there is also information about how you can manage the anger of others.

There are five proven techniques that help to diffuse an angry person’s anger when implemented with genuineness. Do you live with or have regular interaction with someone who is often frustrated and angry? Then this information can help that person as well as you. Your stress will decrease and you will develop more satisfying relationships. Give it a try. There is nothing to lose. If you are not satisfied with the information presented, just send me an email and I’ll return the money you paid and you can keep the report!

Twelve Steps to Help you Lose the Weight Forever - In this thirteen (13) page report you will learn skills to help lose the weight and keep it off. You will learn Choice Theory, the new psychology of personal freedom, as an explanation for why you do what you do---no matter what is behind your weight issue, this theory can provide a framework for understanding. How many times have you attempted to lose weight only to gain it and more back again? Are you tired of being on a diet? Wonder what makes this program different? Well, in the first place, it is done in the privacy of your own home at your own pace. You decide when to complete the next lesson.

About Kim Olver

Kim Olver has an undergraduate degree in psychology, a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and is a licensed professional counselor. Since 1987, Kim has extensively studied the work of Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management. She was certified in Reality Therapy in 1992 and continued her studies to become a certified instructor for the William Glasser Institute. She is an expert at empowering people to navigate the sometimes difficult course of life---teaching them how to get the most out of the circumstances life provides them. These are incredibly powerful ideas with equal application to one’s work and personal life. Kim is an expert in restoring hope, finding the positive side in life’s events and helping others do the same. If you would like to get your life back on track, get closer to important people in your life, stop feeling victimized or out of control, better manage the pain and disappointment of life or reduce depression, fear, frustration and anger so you can develop greater happiness and satisfaction in your life, then Kim can help. She will provide just the right balance of challenge and support to assist you to navigate the course you choose.