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Inside Out Personal Edition “You can't change the direction of the wind. . . but you can adjust your sails!” ---Jimmy Dean Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
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| This Month's Feature Teleclass FREE Teleclass-Empowerment Parenting - We cannot continue to parent our children the way we did when they were younger children, or even the way our parents parented us. The world is different! Children are different! If we do not learn new innovations in parenting, our efforts will likely be ineffective at best, and actually destructive at their worst. Join us for this teleclass and learn about the inherent conflict between parents and their children, as well as ways to circumvent it. You can reasonably insure your child’s safety and still maintain a positive relationship Click Here for a full description and to register |
A Message from Kim I have some very exciting news I want to share with you. First of all, my son, Kyle, who has been stationed in Iraq for the past year in the Army, returned home! I thank all of you who were praying for him. He did exceptionally well over there and I am so thankful to say that he has returned physically and mentally healthy. I am extremely grateful for that. It is truly a joy to know he is stateside. Thank you again for all your support during that difficult time. Secondly, the Reality Therapy Conference was last month. It was an incredibly busy time for me. I taught my first certification week, which went very well. I presented two workshops–one on Relationship Empowerment and the other on Diversity from the Inside Out. I had great attendance at both sessions and the energy was quite high. Thirdly, I launched a new website on self-development which can be found at www.insideoutcentral.com. If you are interested in self-development concepts, sign up for the information there. Eventually, I will be moving all the self-development products from The Relationship Center to Inside Out Central - - anger management, goal setting, weight loss will all be moved there.. I am working toward making The Relationship Center strictly for parents and couples. Check out Inside Out Central! Lastly, I wanted you to know that we are changing the format of our newsletter. It was brought to my attention that having newsletters in HTML format, while attractive, often get caught in spam filters. So, to maximize the likelihood that all subscribers will receive our publication, we will be sending it out in plain text. However, there will be a link at the top of that broadcast that you can click on to get to our web-based HTML version of the newsletter, if you prefer that. Please email me at kim@therelationshipcenter.biz if you have any questions about this change. Have an awesome, empowering month. I’ll see you in September. |
In this Issue Quote of the Week: Book Review About Kim Olver Click on the link below for a description of this amazing
F - R - E - E teleclass. Offered the second Tuesday of every month. Next Class August 8, 2006 --9:00 p.m.
FREE Teleclass-Anger Management Are you someone who is confronted with angry people in the course of your life? Spouses, children, extended family members, neighbors, community members who have tempers and like to yell at you? Want to learn ways to take the wind out their sails and have them communicating more cooperatively? Then this class is for you! ************************ FREE Teleclass Goal Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year’s resolutions? Let’s really get serious about setting those goals for next year. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year’s resolutions. No more excuses. Register for this call today. All you need is a telephone. ************************ Foster Parenting Teleseries Six (6) Week teleseries. Click on link for more information or to purchase. Foster Parent Agencies - Please click here to order this teleseries
*********************** Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times: Aug. 8, 2006 -
7:30 - 8:30 pm **************** Q:
My son has quite a penchant for telling stories. His vocabulary is amazing, not just for his age but for any adult! This is not just motherly pride talking, he truly has a gift. I encourage him to write but he tells me he hates to write. Any ideas on what I should do? So if you determine, this is more a desire of yours rather than your son’s, then let it go. If you think he might like to pursue it, you may suggest that he speak his stories into a voice recorder and then you or someone else can transcribe them into the written word. With today’s technology, if he uses an MP3 recorder, he could even tell his stories and then burn them onto a CD that you can listen to in the car and give out to friends and family as gifts. Play to his strengths. I know many authors who speak their work and pay to have it transcribed. Please, let me know how this turns out. It’s an interesting situation. Thank you. |
Kids and Energy I’m not sure why, maybe because it’s summer, I’m getting a lot of questions and stories about kids and energy. I’ll put them all under that broad category but there have been several different subcategories discussed: kids and ADHD, kids and anger management, and kids and computers. Let’s start with kids and ADHD. There seems to be a big trend here in the US of drugging our children so they can “control” their behavior in school. I am NOT in favor of this practice. Kids and Anger Management I spoke with a woman over the weekend whose son is 10 years-old and she says has anger management issues. We didn’t really get into his specific behaviors but it caused me to reflect on some inherent differences between males and females. This week, a mother contacted me about her child disobeying her limits with the home computer and sneaking time beyond her allowed limit. Copyright © August 2006. Kim Olver. All rights reserved
NOTICE: This article is free and can be copied and reproduced as long as the copyright and bio is included at the bottom of the article ****************************** "Loving a child doesn't mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult." --Nadia Boulanger When we truly love, we know there are two sides—there is support and challenge. For most of us, we are better at one over the other. For me, support comes easier and I have to work at the challenge part. I think this quote is talking about that support and challenge combination. To support is to help in the pursuit of the things one wants. To challenge is to sometimes question those wants, to push someone beyond their comfort zone and if you are a parent, to keep your children safe. When we give in to our child’s every whim, we teach that our child will always get what he or she wants and that is unrealistic and sets them up for difficulties later. It also means that we will probably inconvenience ourselves and doing that too frequently will deplete our own resources. When we challenge our children to go beyond where they think they can go, then we teach them things such as overcoming adversity, goal setting, and the value of accomplishing their dreams. Isn’t this a great gift to give our children? ******************************
Heartful Parenting: Connected A couple months ago, Dr. Myers sent me his book to review and I promised him I would review it in my August Parenting Newsletter. I would recommend this book to parents who want to give their children perhaps the most important gift they can—heightened emotional intelligence. Research has been done that shows emotional intelligence is more predictive of life success and happiness than intellectual intelligence. You can be very book smart but if you aren’t in tune with people, you are less likely to succeed than if you are in tune with yourself and others emotionally. He makes some excellent points that I wholeheartedly agree with. For example on page 98, Dr. Myers writes, “In an all-out war between parents and child, the child will win, usually at a great cost to her.” This is so true. He also provides excellent advice for things to do and things to avoid as a parent. He focuses on the importance of having a positive relationship with your child and distinguishes between discipline as teaching and discipline as punishment. He has a chapter dedicated to communication and provides good guidelines for how to communicate with your child. Overall, I liked this book and would recommend it for parents seeking to be better than “good enough” parents. Click here to order this book ******************** Developing Win/Win Solutions Fighting with or attempting to control through restriction or other means is usually ineffective and it costs you, your child and your relationship. In the article above I spoke of the child who wants more computer time and the mother who is attempting to keep her daughter safe and healthy. Neither of them was wrong—whose needs should be most important? Some will says the child’s, some will say the parent’s but I say neither one. Both individual’s needs are equally important. When parents decide that their needs are more important than their child’s, they damage their child’s self-esteem and often create a situation where the child is still driven to get her needs met by frequently choosing a less desirable way. If the parent decides the child’s needs are more important, that runs the risk of creating a self-indulgent child. How do we strike a balance? By creating a win/win solution. Parents need to really listen to their child and what need they are attempting to meet. Then they must clearly communicate their own needs, concerns and worries to their child. Together they work toward creating a situation where both parties can equally have their needs met. If you have a situation you’d like to discuss to see what a win/win solution might look like, email me at kim@therelationshipcenter.biz and maybe your question will appear in my October eZine. |