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Inside Out Personal Edition “You can't change the direction of the wind. . . but you can adjust your sails!” ---Jimmy Dean Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
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| This Month's Feature Teleclasses
Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year's resolutions? Let's really get serious about setting those goals for next year. Neural reconditioning is a step that is rarely discussed but is critical to your long term success. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year's resolutions. No More excuses. |
A Message from Kim Those of you in the US, I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving Holiday and for the rest of my readers, I am wishing you a wonderful holiday season this year and hoping you will maintain your holiday spirit throughout the year. I wrote this month's article about the holiday stress we often bring upon ourselves during this time of year. I hope you'll find it helpful. What do you purchase this gift-giving season for the person who has everything? Why not buy him or her an information product. Check out our site. We have products for couples, parents and those interested in self-development. The gift would be unique, of high quality and a gift the person wouldn't normally splurge on for him or herself. |
In this Issue E-Courses --Eddie Cantor Book Review Relationship Q&A About Kim Olver Click on the link below for a description of this amazing F - R - E - E teleclass. Offered the second Tuesday
of every month. Next Class December 13, 2005 9:00 p.m.
Children & Divorce How to Talk to Your Adolescent December 6, 2005 Managing Depression Suicide Intervention Goal Setting & Attainment Lose the Weight You Want Forever!
************************ This workshop teaches you secret strategies to assist your child to become more goal directed, responsible and cooperative. This workshop can change your life and bring peace back into your home. It will teach you how to provide for your child’s safety, without fighting and to increase the genuine loving relationship between you. You will be encouraged, enlightened, and exhorted in ways that you never thought possible. For a more detailed description of this weekend workshop and to register click on the link above. If you think you may be interested in attending this workshop REGISTER NOW to get the discounted price. You are under no obligation to purchase and it costs nothing to register. Don't wait, the introductory price is for a limited time only. Chats
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How to Manage Your Holiday Stress Are you plagued by holiday stress year after year? Do you feel as if you are a victim in all of this? Do you believe that you are the ONLY one in your household who is contributing to the success of the holiday? Let me share with you some ideas for making the holidays manageable. I used to literally make myself nuts during holiday time. I was married to a man who thought his contribution to the holiday was simply to show up, eat his fill and then watch television in the living room while I cleaned up the kitchen. I also had two sons who couldn’t care less about the trimmings of the holiday season. What I am about to suggest may offend your sensibilities but it does stand a good chance of greatly reducing your holiday stress. When you are finished with this article, you’ll have to decide what is most important to you---having everything just perfect or regaining some of your sanity. When all is said and done, you can always continue to do it just as you’ve always done. I’m only providing some alternative suggestions. What is your typical routine? Of course, for me there was mailing of at least 100 Christmas cards. Often this was the only way I was able to stay in touch with people I cared about. Then there was the gift buying. I married into a family where I instantly inherited 20 nieces and nephews and the family insisted that all children receive a gift from all the aunts and uncles until they reached the age of 25! No matter what I said, they were not going to be swayed from their position. Christmas shopping, for me, was a chore. Then, after the gifts were purchased, there were the many hours of gift-wrapping that was required. And what about putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the rest of the house? Let’s not forget the cleaning that had to be done to make my house presentable for the drop-in holiday visitors. There was also the baking of the many multiple varieties of cookies and the preparation of whatever food I was expected to bring to any myriad of places to which we were invited for holiday party after holiday party. Add to that the stress of the inevitable weight gain over the holidays and it was no wonder I was crabby and irritable. Once I began to practice Inside Out Living, ™ I had to question the sanity of all the rituals in which I engaged myself. The first question I asked was, “How many things am I doing because I believe I have to and how many are for my pleasure and the pleasure of my family?” I remember one particular Christmas when I was feeling especially stressed, I told my children I either needed help with holiday preparations or I needed to cut some things out of the holiday routine. They made it clear they didn’t really want to help in reducing the load of things that I put on myself but they were more than willing to forego many holiday traditions. In fact, what they told me is that we didn’t need a tree. All they cared about was presents and they didn’t even need them to be wrapped! That was eye opening for me. Now it was clear that anything beyond gifts was something I was choosing to do and not something that was necessary to the success of the holiday for my children. Next, I had to assess what was necessary for me. I decided I wanted to send Christmas cards to stay in touch with friends and family and I wanted to wrap my children’s gifts so I could enjoy the expressions of surpise and pleasure on their faces as they opened their gifts. That particular Christmas, I discovered the joy of sending out New Year’s cards. That’s right. I stopped pressuring myself to get the cards out before Christmas. After all, the purpose was to keep in touch with people. It turned out to be much better to send my card in January. It definitely stood out from the rest! I didn’t put up a tree. My children really didn’t care if we had one or not. Neither did I. Great stress reducer. I also gave up the idea that everyone in the home SHOULD contribute to the work involved in the holidays. In demanding assistance from unwilling family members, the only thing I accomplished was to alienate the people I loved the most. The whole holiday hype was not important to them. If it were, they would have more willingly provided the assistance for which I asked. In shopping for the nieces and nephews, I discovered the value of gift cards. The kids love them because they can pick out whatever they want and they protect them from getting those unwanted, unappreciated gifts from an aunt or uncle who really doesn’t know them well enough to purchase a gift they would truly appreciate. Another suggestion, particularly if you have older children, is to take the money you would normally spend on gifts and find a family who needs it more than you and purchase gifts for another family as part of your new Christmas ritual. As for the cookies, I stopped making 27 different varieties and only made chocolate chip cookies---the family’s favorite. They were always a hit and no one really the liked the others anyway! And as for the weight gain, there are two possible solutions. Approach the holidays with reckless abandon. Know that you will gain weight and that you will address it in January. The other option is to take control of your eating. Eat smaller portions and taste, instead of devour, any of the many sweets offered during holiday parties. Please visit my blog and let me know if you have any other suggestions for reducing holiday stress. It’s at http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz/journal. Happy Holidays! Copyright © December 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved ****************************** . ****************************** "Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast, you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." --Eddie Cantor Of course, this quote can pertain to any time of year but I think it is particularly applicable to the holiday season. We get so caught up in the rush of getting things done, making everything perfect, doing for others that we often miss the whole purpose and meaning of the season. This holiday season, slow down. Start earlier or cut some things out. Take the time to remember just exactly what is being celebrated. Everyone has their own reason for the season---whether it is religious, cultural or family-related. Take the time to celebrate the reason there is a season. Enjoy your holidays. ****************************** One of the pleasures, and ultimate challenges of the the holiday is taking care of oneself physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. As you prepare to go through the holiday season, prioritize self-care. It is so easy to get lost in the madness and rush of parties, shopping, baking, gift buying, decorating that we forget to exercise, don't get enough rest and eat poorly. If you can remember to take care of yourself during your holiday preparations, you can greatly reduce the stess you experience. Please, prioritize self-care during this time. It will be time well spent.
The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions you can make on your own to strengthen your marriage I saw this little book on the shelf at Wal-Mart and just had to read it. I loved the subtitle and as you know it is line with my belief system. It is not necessary for both people in a relationship to be working on improving their relationship together. One person can make the relationship better. A more loving partner will have a significant influence over the other partner’s behavior. Dr. Weiss speaks about making a personal commitment to faithfulness, patience, forgiveness, service, respect, kindness, and celebration. Each chapter explains what each commitment looks like and gives specific examples of how to put it into practice. Because Dr. Weiss is a Christian, he supports what he is presenting with a scripture section in each chapter. However, if this is not for you, it is easy to skip this part. It’s clearly identified. There are exercises, goals and a measurement and accountability section for each agreement. Dr. Weiss makes a great point that you don’t need your partner’s cooperation to make your relationship better. When you become intentional about loving your partner better than you have been, your own feelings of love and commitment will deepen and strengthen. When this happens, it will be difficult for it not to have a positive effect on your relationship and your partner. Now that is not to say you should enact these agreements with the covert goal of changing or influencing your spouse or partner. You should engage in these agreements with an open heart and a giving spirit. Things will not change overnight. After all, it didn’t take overnight to get where you are today. Be patient, be consistent and be loving. Click here to order this book ****************************** .. How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree? All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my eZines and send me their e-mail addresses for confirmation with the name of the teleclass you would like to attend. If you do not wish to attend one of the teleclasses, you can give your f.ree teleclass to a friend or family member. It’s that simple! Send either one or both of the following links to all your friends and family and ask them to subscribe to the eZine. For the personal edition of "Inside Out", go to The Relationship Center and for the business edition go to Coaching for Excellence and have them type their name and email address in the boxes on the right-hand side of the web page where it says, “Subscribe to Receive 'Inside Out', our Fr.ee eZine". Only two people actually have to subscribe for you to be eligible for a f.ree teleclass. Once their subscription has been confirmed you will receive an e-mail giving you the bridge line and access code for the teleclass of your choosing. A listing of teleclasses being offered can be found in both my monthly e-zine or on my classes page at either web site. There is no limit to the amount of f.ree teleclasses you can earn---you get one f.ree teleclass for every two referrals that sign up for one of my eZines. Within the next year I am planning on adding many new teleclasses on several topics including the following: . Weight Loss . Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses. Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home. ******************** Q: What can I do with my daughter who wants everything this Christmas? It seems like she already has more material items than she knows what to do with and still, she wants more. I don't mind getting her things but I'm concerned that she has totally missed the reason for gift giving. Any ideas on how to help? Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor, certified in Reality Therapy. This column is for readers to submit their relationship questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about a couple relationship, a parenting relationship, a grief and loss relationship, a co-worker or friend relationship or even a question about your relationship with yourself. No relationship question is off limits! To ask your question, simply send it by email to kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz and look for her response in future issues ****************************** Relationship Improvement Tip Sheet - A fourteen (14) page document loaded with helpful tips on how to improve your relationship with the significant people in your life. FREE when you purchase one of our Coaching Packages or available by direct purchase by clicking on the title above. Click here to go to our list of coaching packages. Parenting Tip Sheet - Nineteen (19) page Tip Sheet on how to parent your child in today's world using Choice Theory Parenting. Choice Theory Parenting involves a process in which you learn to understand the inherent conflict between you and your child and learn about the five basic human needs. Understanding these basic needs, which we are all born with, will help you improve the relationship with your child and maintain that relationship through the adolescent years. There are five proven techniques that help to diffuse an angry person’s anger when implemented with genuineness. Do you live with or have regular interaction with someone who is often frustrated and angry? Then this information can help that person as well as you. Your stress will decrease and you will develop more satisfying relationships. Give it a try. There is nothing to lose. If you are not satisfied with the information presented, just send me an email and I’ll return the money you paid and you can keep the report! ****************************** Kim Olver has an undergraduate degree in psychology, a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and is a licensed professional counselor. Since 1987, Kim has extensively studied the work of Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management. She was certified in Reality Therapy in 1992 and continued her studies to become a certified instructor for the William Glasser Institute. She is an expert at empowering people to navigate the sometimes difficult course of life---teaching them how to get the most out of the circumstances life provides them. These are incredibly powerful ideas with equal application to one’s work and personal life. Kim is an expert in restoring hope, finding the positive side in life’s events and helping others do the same. If you would like to get your life back on track, get closer to important people in your life, stop feeling victimized or out of control, better manage the pain and disappointment of life or reduce depression, fear, frustration and anger so you can develop greater happiness and satisfaction in your life, then Kim can help. She will provide just the right balance of challenge and support to assist you to navigate the course you choose. |
