In this Issue
Feature Article
Goal Attainment: What Would You Have to Give Up?
by Kim Olver
Workshops
Quote of the Month
"If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.
--Thomas Edison
Book Review
Why Good People Do Bad Things... by Debbie Ford
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Upcoming
Events
Click on title of class for more information and to register or visit
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
ALL TIMES IN EST
Inside Out Ongoing Mastermind Group, offered the second Tuesday of every month. Anyone can join in to learn about the process of IOE, Inside Out Empowerment and how it can open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.
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All teleconferences are one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.
Goal Setting & Attainment Are you serious about attaining your goals next year? Do you want to do more than make a New Year's Resolution that you forget by the time the Super Bowl is on television? Join me on the free teleconference to learn my time-tested 7-Step process for Goal Attainment. We will do more than set goals--we will discuss a system to implement that will exponentially increase your opportunity for success. Also, my Goal Attainment System is multi-faceted. You won't just be focusing your attention on your career goals unless you want to. My system has you take a look at all areas of your life so you can accomplish an optimal work/life balance for you. There is nothing to lose but an hour of your time and so much to gain. Let's make this your best year yet! |
Coaching: Bring Out the Best in Others
February 13 & 14, 2009
8:30 a.m. - 4: 30 p.m.
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
Do you have a knack for helping others do their best? Coaching is an exciting performance improvement model that will help you in your work as a supervisor, manager, human resources professional, or counselor. Learn how to bring out the best in people through mentoring and guided goal setting. Learn a simple four-step model to get agreement, create solutions, achieve follow-through and recognition. Create rich workplace relationships as you facilitate the success of others, thereby creating your own. Note: Managers, supervisors, project/team leaders, human resource professionals, or counselors who want to enhance their coaching skills would benefit from this class.
Parent Institute Day- Building Your Child's Self-Esteem
March 27, 2009
8:00 a.m. - 3: 30 p.m.
Prairie State College -Chicago Heights, IL
STRONG CHILDREN, STRONG COMMUNITES: A unique networking conference for parents and educators
Relationship Empowerment
April 6, 2009
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
7:00 - 9:00 PM CT
$29.00 (Bring your partner or a guest for free)
So often, couples get stuck in a rut where each individual is waiting for the other to change their ways. In this workshop, participants will learn to engage in the seven caring habits by following the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. Gender differences in relationships will be explored. Participants will learn the three possible relationship choices. Participants will learn a negotiation strategy so both partners win. People will leave knowing that they have the power to change their relationships regardless of what their partners do.
Introduction to Choice Theory
April 6, 2009
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. CT
$69.00
Choice Theory® takes the mystery out of behavior—yours and theirs. It provides and explanation for why we do the things we do. Choice Theory ® explains how a person’s perceptions shape their reality and teaches the four components of behavior. Armed with this new knowledge, problem conceptualization becomes much easier and the path to taking effective action is clearer.
One of the things I like best about Choice Theory® is its wide-spread application—you can use it in your personal, as well as your professional life. It provides transferable skills for everyday life. Choice Theory® helped me to become a better counselor, mother, life partner, friend and a better all around person. When you truly embrace its teachings, Choice Theory® becomes a way of life instead of a hypothetical theory of human behavior.
Empowerment Parenting
April 7, 2009
Chicago, IL-- Prairie State College—Matteson Center
7:00 - 9:00 PM CT
$29.00 (Bring your partner or a guest for free)
This workshop helps parents to understand the psychology behind what is happening with their children at various stages. Parents will learn how to align themselves with their child’s resistance for increased cooperation and compliance. Parents will learn how to sacrifice what they want now—strict compliance, for what they REALLY want—a responsible, caring, child who is capable of making rational decisions. Empowerment Parenting teaches parents simple skills and strategies for helping their children successfully make it through the challenging phases of their lives. Parenting children is no easy task. They don’t come with an instruction manual. Times are different that when your parents parented you! Empowerment parenting shows parents how to compromise and negotiate with their children as they gradually increase freedom as their child demonstrates the responsible behavior to handle and appropriately manage that freedom. This is a challenging way to parent. It is truly parenting for the 21st century.
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Chats
All times listed in EST
Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times:
All Chats are from
7:30 - 8:30 p.m. EST
December 23, 2008
December 30, 2008
Chats will be discontinued as of January 2009
Inside Out
Personal Edition
“You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!”
---Jimmy Dean
Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
December 22 , 2008 - Volume 4, Issue 10
A Message from Kim
Happy Holidays Everyone,
As this holiday season approaches, there will be lots of energy in the air. Some will be joyous and some will be painful. The holidays are a time for family, friends, celebrations, and reflection. For many, that's positive. For some, it's torture. There are some who are spending these holidays without loved ones. Some have had terrible economic setbacks this year. Some are looking forward to the new year with excitement and anticipation, while others are anxious and scared. Many look back on the past with satisfaction and wisdom, while others see regret and despair.
The question I have for you, my readers, is: "How do you want to be feeling this holiday season"? You actually can decide. With Inside Out Empowerment, you can choose your feelings rather than being a victim of them. If you are elated and joyous and feeling good, then great! Spread some of that around to those in your immediate environment.
If you are feeling stressed, anxious, remorseful, unhappy, or lonely and that's how you want to be feeling--GREAT! You don't need to read any further. But, if you are experiencing emotions you don't feel good about, then check out this month's tip below and you can learn a way to begin to change those destructive patterns.
If you also subscribe to my "Inside Out"--Business Edition, then you will notice the article for both editions is the same this month. In December, I like to focus on goal attainment. Most people are in the mind of setting their goals for the new year, whether that be in their personal or professional lives so if you've read the article from the business edition, then you can skip it here or perhaps you'd like a reread.
At any rate, I hope you will join us for our Goal Setting and Attainment teleconference scheduled early in 2009. We have two dates and times for your convenience. It should be fun and you will learn there are some built-in processes to help you beyond the mere setting of your goals to exponentially increasing the likelihood you will actually attain them this year! Wouldn't that be awesome???? Please join us. I'll talk with you there.
Make today the day you want it to be!
Unleash the power within you.
Kim Olver
Feature Article
Goal Attainment: What Would You Have to Give Up?
by Kim Olver
As 2008 draws to a close, some of you are already looking ahead to what you want to do in 2009. It’s the time of year we begin to self-reflect and adjust our course for the upcoming year.
In my work coaching people, I find it interesting that many of my clients set very clear intentions for what they want to accomplish. They are passionate about it. They put in the required work for a period of time. And then something happens. Self-sabotage.
Does this sound familiar? Have you ever vowed to lose 10 pounds, speak nicer to your children, stop smoking, save money, pay off credit card debt, or maybe make a weekly date with your life partner? You mean it. You want to do it. You actually do it. And then you slack off?
Do you know why? There is actually evidence in neuroscience that explains why we drift back into old behaviors. Our brain actually wires itself to perform repetitive tasks without conscious effort. If you do something in the same sequence enough times, the neurons that are required to perform this task will automatically fire together in the familiar sequence whenever you are confronted with a similar situation and you aren’t vigilantly aware of what your mind subconsciously is programmed to do.
If you are accustomed to eating potato chips whenever you feel stress, then when you aren’t paying attention, at the first sign of stress, you may find yourself halfway through a bag of Ruffles before you even realize you’re eating.
Our brain is invested in maintaining the status quo. You weigh a certain amount. You aspire to a certain degree of happiness. You make a particular amount of money. Scientists have come to understand that our brains have particular set points, much like the thermostat in your home regulates the heat. Therefore, your brain, your subconscious, can work against you in accomplishing the conscious goals you set.
How is it some people are successful in pushing past their set points? There are several ways to do it. One is to maintain a constant vigil of consciousness to your every move. This is extremely exhausting but it can be done with great determination. Other ways include hypnosis or various energy psychology techniques, such as EMDR or EFT.
Another way is to bring whatever is subconsciously sabotaging you out into the light where you can consciously deal with it. In my work with coaching clients, I have found this to be a very effective question at getting to the root of the unconscious sabotage. Ask your client, “What would you have to give up to get what you want”? I’m not talking about the obvious, e.g. in order to lose weight, a person would have to give up chocolate and free time to exercise. I’m talking about really digging deep.
I asked a woman once what she would have to give up to lose the weight she wants and she looks at me dumbfounded and said, “My husband.” Upon further exploration, she subconsciously believed that if she got healthy enough emotionally to lose the weight she carried, then she would move beyond where her husband was and they would no longer be compatible.
Another woman I was working with was having difficulty breaking through her income barrier. She had her own business and just couldn’t move past the $50,000 mark. When I asked her what she would have to give up to be the successful business woman she truly wanted to be, she said she would lose her father’s love and approval. Her subconscious belief was that her father would love and approve of her as long as she wasn’t any more successful than he had been.
A final example was a man I was working with to develop his own coaching business. He had the skills, abilities and resources but just wasn’t making progress. When I asked him the question, what would he have to give up to leave his job and go out on his own, his answer was his dream. He was worried that if his dream wasn’t successful, then he would have nothing left. Better to have the dream intact than fail at the one thing he truly wanted.
So, this year, ask yourself this tough question. When you get the deepest answer you can find, examine it closely in the light of day. Is it valid? Is it important? Is it worth sacrificing your goal for? Only you can answer these questions but you’ll never even get to these questions unless you do some digging and get to that subconscious sabotage that often lurks in the background waiting to derail your forward progress. Don’t let it happen again this year. Take control and make conscious, intentional decisions.
Copyright © December 2008 Kim Olver. All rights reserved.
About Kim OlverKim Olver is a life coach and public speaker who has a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples, parents and children, and individuals seeking to improve their lives. To learn more about her Goal Attainment System join our free teleconfernce on Goal Setting & Attainment |
Click here to read some of Kim's other articles
Quote of the Month
"If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves"
--Thomas Edison
He should know, huh? Thomas Edison did some amazing things in his lifetime. He has been credited with failing over 10,000 times to invent the lightbulb, but Edison himself says he didn't fail. He merely found 10,000 things that didn't work! If only we all could have that type of attitude toward of life journey. When things don't work out exactly as you've planned, do you chalk it up to a failure or an important learning opportunity for your next attempt?
The end of a calendar year is often the time you may think of things you've accomplished or failed to accomplish. You may be looking ahead at the new year as a new beginning or just the ticking away of time as it advances without your consent. Whichever way you see it, time is going to pass anyway. If you have a dream, if you can imagine it, you can do it. How many people do you think began their lives with a thought of the greatness they could achieve, if only everything lined up perfectly? And when things didn't line up exactly right, they relegated them to the background as something worthy of bringing out every now and then to reminisce over, saying, "Oh when I was a kid, I thought I might . . . BUT . . .; and now it's too late." Or something like that!
Well, if you are still breathing, it isn't too late. Don't hide your greatness. You were put here for a reason. No one ever said it would be easy and that there wouldn't be obstacles to overcome. Please don't hide or give up on your personal greatness. It doesn't exist just for you to shine. Its purpose is to do good for others. How can you deprive them of your unique contributions? Don't be afraid of astounding yourself. Take one step closer to your dream today and every day until you get there and then dream your next one!
Book Review
Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy
by Debbie Ford
Ms. Ford does an eloquent job writing about the multiple ways we sabotage ourselves in our best attempts to do good and be good. I particularly enjoyed the chapter entitled, "The Masks." In it, she chronicles the various masks our wounded ego wears to show the world who we want them to see. It will be difficult to read that chapter and not see the mask or masks of your personal preference.
What I didn't agree with was her statement that we have to embrace our shadow side and proudly proclaim how those qualites we or society has deemed negative actual serve us. Take nastiness for example. I may not want to admit any part of me is nasty. I want to always be nice, kind and good. So, when any nastiness surfaces, I attempt to keep it buried because I've decided it isn't good.
Ms. Ford suggests that we are equal part positive and negative traits. In order to fully integrate ourselves, we must embrace both sides. She suggests that nastiness might serve me well if I've hired a contractor to fix something in my home and he is repeatedly not doing the job he was hired to do in a competent manner.
Here is where I diverge from her thinking. Certainly, the majority of people, wouldn't fault anyone for getting nasty in a situation like that. However, I am personally on a spiritual quest. I have embraced the idea of transcending my ego, as Eckhart Tolle, David Hawkins and others discuss. This is my past. So, while I recognize that my ego has all personality traits associated with it, my preference is moving beyond ego to my spiritual self where there is only love and acceptance.
So, depending where you are at in your journey, I think you could find this book useful. If you are challenged by feelings of unworthiness and find you can't be authentically who you are, or you are involved in a lot of self-sabotage, then you may want to pick up this book.
Join our book club at Inside Out Central
Tip of the Month
I mentioned in my message that this holiday season, as well as other times of the year, can be fraught with a multitude of emotions. Some you will like. Others can be rather unpleasant.
Many people have come to believe that emotions are just something that happens to them. If you believe that, then you probably also believe that there is not much you can do to change them. They are what they are, and are often caused by situations and people beyond our control.
While I concur that the situations and people are beyond your control, I definitely disagree that your emotions are something over which you have no influence.
I don't think you can simply at will decide to change your emotions. If you could, I would simply tell all depressed people to "cheer up." They would readily comply and everyone could go home happy. This is fantasy.
However, if you find yourself experiencing emotions you don't like, then put in the required work to take a close look at what you are doing, what activities are you engaging in, and also closely examine your thoughts or the things you are telling yourself.
It's your thoughts and actions you can consciously decide to change. Will it be simple? Will it be easy? Likely not but do you find the alternative of suffering through these unwanted, unpleasant emotional phases preferable? If not, let's make some changes in your thinking and your behaviors to put them more in line with the emotion you want to be experiencing.
Once you do, you will gradually start to feel better. If you are having difficulty considering how to change your thoughts, why don't you contact me for your free 20 minute coaching session to see if I can help? Stop being a victim of your emotions today!
Relationship Q & A
Question: I understand setting goals in the areas of finances and my career but I really don't understand why I have to set goals in the area of relationships. Don't relationships just happen?
Answer: This is a great question! Have you noticed how high the divorce statistic is in the US? Have you noticed how parents and children are getting along? Have you noticed how co-workers relate to each ohter? Relationships put on auto pilot are bound to crash! There has not yet been technology developed that will keep our relationships going strong without our constant attention.
If you are in relationship(s) that are important to you, ask yourself what do you want to do to make those relationships even better in 2009? What goals can you set regarding time spent, quality of time, things you want to do together, classes you may want to take, books you can read? How can you improve yourself to make you be the best partner possible?
If you aren't in a relationship but would like to be, then set goals about who you want to be in that relationship. You can change yourself to be worthy of the relationship you seek. You can also spend some time getting crystal clear about what you want in a partner. I suggest making a list of the things you can't live without, the things that are important to you, and the things that would be nice but aren't essential. In this way, you will set the Law of Attraction into motion and it will help you sort through the potential prospects when they appear. You may also want to set goals about how many new people you will meet and where you will go to meet them.
Don't ignore relationship goals this year. Relationships need nourishing to flourish. Without nourishment, they wither and die.
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