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In this Issue

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Ongoing Mastermind Group, offered the second Tuesday of every month. Anyone can join in to learn about the process of IOE, Inside Out Empowerment and how it can open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.

Next Meeting :
October 13, 2009
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST

The mastermind group is one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.

Workshops

Click on title of class for more information and to register or
ALL TIMES IN EST

Relationship Empowerment
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL - 6:00 - 9:00 p.m.
November 3, 2009
December 8, 2009

In this highly interactive workshop, I will naturally cover the seven deadly and seven caring habits of relationships. I also plan to differentiate between power and force (as in David Hawkins’ brilliant book) which is a nice parallel to Glasser’s contention that external control is what’s destroying relationships. We will explore how males and females experience relationships differently and want different things from the relationship.

Empowerment Parenting
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL - 6:00 - 9:00 p.m.
November 2, 2009
December 9, 2009

This workshop help parents to understand the psychology behind what is happening with their children at various stages. Parents will learn how to align themselves with their child’s resistance for increased cooperation and compliance. Parents will learn how to sacrifice what they want now—strict compliance, for what they REALLY want—a responsible, caring, child who is capable of making rational decisions. Empowerment Parenting teaches parents simple skills and strategies for helping their children successfully make it through the challenging phases of their lives.

Goal Setting & Attainment:Getting What You Want in 2010!
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL
November 4, 2009
December 7, 2009
6:00 - 9:00 p.m.

December 9, 2009
8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.

You can attain your goals year after year with an effective, time-tested system—a plan with built-in support and accountability. Attaining your goals requires hard work and determination. You need to plan and make time to work on your goals. They will not just happen. This workshop will give you the strategies you need to make a plan and manage your time while still maintaining a positive attitude and staying motivated until you complete your goals.

Why Do People Do What They Do?
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL
December 7, 2009
8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.

This workshop is ideal for teachers, counselors, social workers, psychologists, and school administrators. Dr. William Glasser’s new psychology of personal freedom,“Choice Theory,” is discussed. Choice Theory empowers people to change their lives personally and professionally by putting their energy into those things they have control over—their own behavior and thinking. Learn how to self-evaluate and help others self-evaluate the effectiveness of their choices. Identifying the fundamentals of choice therapy and nterviewing clients using reality therapy are covered in this workshop.

I Don't Understand Why You Do What You Do!
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL
December 8, 2009
8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.

This workshop will help you develop an understanding of why people do the crazy things they do. Whether it's men, women, certain ethnicities, particular religions, different generations, or various other types of people, you will leave with the knowledge that different isn't wrong, it's just different. We will look at similarities and differences. We will discuss the one overlooked factor that often gets in the way of diversity appreciation. Discover what it's like being on the outside.

Take our FREE Relationship Assessment to determine your compatibility with your current or future life partner!

Inside Out

Personal Edition

“You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!”

---Jimmy Dean

Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC

www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz

October 13, 2009 - Volume 5, Issue 5

This Month's Featured Products

Choice Theory & Reality Therapy Training - Downloadable two (2) hour training - This two-hour teleconference recording of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy (CT/RT) is perfect for you if you want an overview of the basic concepts or if you have already learned these concepts but are seeking a concise review of CT/RT.

Normally $19.95 ....ON SALE NOW ...$14.95

Relationships from the Inside Out eBook - In this 96 page eBook, couples or singles looking for a mate, will learn about their basic needs, explore their value systems, and discuss and articulate their general goals and direction for their lives. Downloadable.

Normally $34.95... ON SALE NOW...$29.95.

Prepare to Love Again Home Study Course - In this 12-week course, you will learn techniques to help ease the pain of the death of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship or the separation from a loved one due to distance. Downloadable.

Normally $47.00... ON SALE NOW.. $39.95.

A Message from Kim

Kim Olver

I know it's been a while since I've sent you a newsletter. Things have been very hectic over the summer for me. I hope you had an enjoyable season in whichever hemisphere you are living.

Here are some of the highlights. I traveled with my mother to Scotland in June to the Reality Therapy Conference. I delivered three presentations there and had the opportunity to do some exciting sight seeing. Can't say I saw "Nessy" but I did have a very enjoyable cruise on Loch Ness.

In July, I began work with the Derby School District in Connecticut, teaching them Choice Theory and helping them incorporate Glasser Quality School ideas in their school district. I will be going back there periodically throughout the year to provide on-sight coaching to teachers, counselors and administrators.

In August, I provided faculty training for a great group of women who are now fully approved practicum instructors for the William Glasser Institute. Between the certification week and the faculty training, there were ten individuals in Newport, KY that I had trained at some point in their Choice Theory journey. That was very exciting to me.

The fall season has begun and I'm throwing myself full force into finishing my book, Secrets of Successful Couples. I still need couples who are together at least ten years with both individuals saying they are happy and satisfied with their relationship to take my online relationship survey. If you know anyone who fits that description, please send them to http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz and have them complete the web form on that page. I will then send them an anonymous identification number and the link to the survey.

Thank you in advance for your help with this project.

Make today the day you want it to be!
Unleash the power within you.

Kim Olver

Feature Article

Seven Methods to Combat Depression without Medication
by Kim Olver

A theme that has been recurring throughout my coaching sessions recently is that of depression and what to do about it if you don’t want to resort to psychotropic medication.

Some will tell you there is a chemical imbalance in the condition of depression. I am not here to argue that point one way or another. I do believe, however, our bodies are capable of creating the chemicals we need to alleviate depression without medication. The medication will do it physiologically, but I believe each of us is capable of generating the endorphins and serotonin we need to be happier and more content.

In thinking about my answers, I have organized them into seven categories. Because I believe we only have control over the things we do and the things we think, those are the areas on which I’ll focus.

1. Gratitude: In thinking about the first place I like to go whenever I am feeling down, it’s gratitude. It’s very difficult to stay depressed when you are focusing on and enumerating the many things in your life to be grateful for. Just yesterday, I took a beautiful drive through northwestern Pennsylvania. The sky was a beautiful blue, the white clouds created a lovely contrast against the sky. The autumn leaves had turned gorgeous colors. During that drive, I was grateful for the season of the year, the sun to warm the earth, the fact that I have a reliable car and enough money to put gas in the gas tank. I was happy for another day on the Earth. I was grateful for my health.

Whenever you are feeling depressed, you can keep your thoughts focused on all you don’t have or you can consciously focus them on the things you do have. Which do you think will help you feel better?

2. Say Thank You: This is a behavioral extension of the cognitive method of gratitude. Saying thank you is actually taking the time to let the important people in your life know you appreciate what they do or have done for you.

Throughout my life, I have had teachers and helpers who have made my life better in some ways. One year, when I was feeling particularly down about my husband dying, I decided I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. I wanted to thank all the people in my life who had significantly and positively impacted the lives of my sons during that challenging time.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I wrote thank you notes. I wrote about 30 of them to those individuals who had made a difference in my life by helping my children. There were friends, relatives, teachers, principals, and church families to thank. By the time I was finished, I was brimming with beautiful, wonderful thoughts and feelings.

3. Volunteerism: No matter had bad things seem, you should always be able to find someone who needs help that you can offer your services to. I was working with a client who was missing her mother who had died within the past year. She decided to volunteer helping the family of a child who was dying of cancer. This obviously wasn’t the best choice, because it made her feel even worse so be careful with your choosing your cause but find something or someone and offer to help. Seeing your positive impact on others and the usefulness you bring is bound to boost your spirits.

4. Connection: Relationships are the root of all influence. When you are feeling depressed, often it is because you are feeling disconnected from important people in your life. The antidote for disconnection is connection. If you have become disconnected from loved ones who are still here, then attempt to connect. Try to correct your part in the rift. This may require forgiveness.

If the person has died or left by decision, then reach out for others who are available to you in such a way that you are adding to the relationship and not simply coming from a place of need. Connect with people who care about you.

5. Passion: Everyone was put here on Earth with a particular passion or passions—things that we get a supreme enjoyment from, are good at, and their performance contributes to the good of others. When was the last time you engaged in the thing or things that are your passion? Now would be a great time.

6. Laughter: Science has shown us that laughter creates the very endorphins we need to lift our spirits. If you can’t find something funny to laugh at, just start laughing even if you don’t feel like it. “Fake it till you make it” and the laughter will become genuine.

7. The Story You Tell: In our depressed moods, many of us are telling ourselves things that simply aren’t true or at least we don’t know they are true. Our thoughts and cognitions are often the very thing that is creating our depression in the first place. So, ask yourself what are you telling yourself that is contributing to your mood and then, inquire of yourself if you really know that to be true. If the answer is no, then what could you tell yourself that would improve your mood? If you are going to make it up anyway, why not make up something that will benefit you?

If you try these seven methods and find no improvement, then perhaps you might benefit from some counseling or coaching to help you determine what is at the root of the depression. Sometimes we have subconscious programming running in the back of our lives, telling us things we aren’t even aware of, sabatoging our best efforts. Bringing those things to consciousness can help you really look at those beliefs and assumptions to learn if they are truly serving you. If they are not, then you can change them with some professional guidance.

About Kim Olver

Kim Olver is a life coach and public speaker who has a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples, parents and children, and individuals seeking to improve their lives. To learn more about depression check out her Overcoming Depression without Medication Tip Sheet.

Click here to read some of Kim's other articles

Quote of the Month

"When you change the way you process the world, the world you're processing changes."
Dr. Wayne Dyer

This quote sums up a lot of the ideas of Inside Out Empowerment. Events happen in our lives and we tend to label them positive or negative depending upon how we feel about those events. The problem with this approach is that it is very limited. We cannot see the whole picture. We only see from our very narrow perspective.

Let's say you're caught in traffic, making you late for an important appointment. Very few people would look at that incident and believe it was a positive event. But what if that traffic delay also caused you to miss a terrible accident that occurred prior to you reaching that location? If you had that broader perception, you might label the traffic as very positive.

This is the truth in most everything that happens to us. All of life's events are simply neutral or perfectly balanced with equal positivity and negativity attached. If you want to change the world you see, then change the way you are seeing the world. Accept that all things that happen have equal positive and negative associations. Look for the positive and focus on that instead of the negative we tend to notice most.

Book Review

Being in Balance: 9 Principles for Creating Habits to Match Your Desires
by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I recently had the supreme privilege of being in Dr. Dyer's presence on October 2nd as he addressed an audience of over 2500 people in Chicago, IL. I was in the second row and enjoyed every minute of his enlightening, inspiring and moving presentation.

Dr. Dyer has been and continues to be one of my spiritual teachers and this book, Being in Balance, is a great example of how he helps people to actualize their potential.

This is a great book to buy for your children as they transition from children to adults. It provides a spiritual blueprint with principles for getting what you want. Dr. Dyer discusses such things as addictions, developing the habits you need for success, changing your perceptions to reduce stress. He talks about "being peace" instead of seeking it externally.

He talks about balancing how you see yourself against how others see you, especially those people whose opinions and values you respect. He teaches about wanting prosperity but developing habits of scarcity. There is so much wisdom in this little book. I highly recommend reading it and putting its principles into practice in your life.

Click on Book to purchase

Tip of the Month

Have you ever tried to stop thinking about things that were making you sad only to find yourself being bombarded by more thoughts that create sadness for you?

Well, there are two paths I would suggest you explore.

1. Whenever you are trying to STOP thinking about something, you are creating the very condition of calling that thought into being. For example, if I told you to stop thinking about pink elephants. Whatever you do, stop thinking about pink elephants right now. If you don't stop thinking about those darn pink elephants, then something really bad is going to happen. What are you thinking about? I would venture to guess most of you are thinking about pink elephants!

If you want to stop thinking about something, then you must make a proactive decision to do something specific or to think something specific every time the unwanted thought intrudes on your consciousness. For example, if you want to stop thinking about the person who just ended your relationship but the thoughts keep coming, then you must create a plan that every time you think of that person, you will journal about gratitude, think about or plan your next vacation or read a book. You will have a list a several things to do instead. This will help you shift your thinking away from the unwanted, unhelpful thoughts.

2. If you are not being successful with #1, then that could be a clue there is a lesson in the thoughts for you to glean. So instead of getting lost in the actual thoughts your brain is producing, become the "watcher." Become the curious explorer who is seeking the answer in the pain. What is it you are supposed to see, notice or learn in this situation? If you can glean the message, gift or lesson in the experience, then you can go back to #1 should the unwanted thoughts continue.

Q & A

Question: I know what I need to do to feel less depressed and I can do it for some time but then I get tired and fall back into old habits. How can I stay true to my course?

Answer: This is a question asked by many people who are trying to make important changes in their lives. First of all, the way you habitually do things, in your case the depression, didn't begin for no reason. Initially, you used depression as your best attempt to get something you wanted. It might have been attention, sympathy, comfort, release from certain responsibilities or some other reason. Whatever the reason, it was likely at least partially successful. Then you find something that works, even if it's working subconsciously, you are likely to repeat it. It becomes a habit and you still use it even if its effectiveness has long since ceased. It's helpful to understand what you were attempting to get through using depression. Once you understand that, then you can ask yourself the question, "Is this still the way I want to use to get ____________________ or is there a more effective way"?

Once you've uncovered the subconscious motivation for using depression then you can consciously go about creating your new habit. I have found people have the most success with this when they employ the help of others. It might be a coach, a counselor, mastermind group, an accountability partner or a mentor. Whatever you do, you may need the support and challenge of someone you trust.

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