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Inside Out Personal Edition “You can't change the direction of the wind. . . but you can adjust your sails!” ---Jimmy Dean Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
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| This Month's Feature Teleclass Empowerment Parenting We cannot continue to parent our children the way our parents parented us. The world is different! Children are different! If we do not learn new innovations in parenting, our efforts will likely be ineffective at best, and actually destructive at their worst. Attend this teleclass and learn about the inherent conflict between parents and their children, as well as ways to circumvent it. You can reasonably insure your child’s safety and still maintain a positive relationship. Attend this teleclass and learn how! Click Here for a full description and to purchase |
A Message from Kim This issue is devoted to self-development or one’s relationship with oneself. I am struck by how many people will say they would like to be happier than they are, but when asked what they are doing about that, they seem puzzled by the question. Many people want to be happier but they are waiting, waiting, and waiting for “something” to happen that will make them happy. Happiness doesn’t work that way. We have to make up our minds that we choose to be happy, no matter what happens around us.
I know that sounds like a simplification but it really isn’t. When we decide to be happy, there are certain behaviors and thought patterns we must engage in to sustain happiness but it really is as simple as making a choice and then following through on the seven keys mentioned in this month’s article. If you are committed to happiness and simply feel as though you are lacking the knowledge or commitment to follow through on the necessary changes to be successful, why not give me a call at 708-957-6047 for a f-r-e-e 20-minute phone consultation so that you can determine if personal or group coaching might be just what you need to move you in the direction you want to go.
Coaching can provide just the right balance of support and challenge that you need to be successful. Please, call today for your f-r-e-e, absolutely no strings attached, consultation. It will be a decision you don’t regret. |
In this Issue Quote of the Week: Book Review About Kim Olver Click on the link below for a description of this amazing F - R - E - E teleclass. Offered the second Tuesday
of every month. Next Class June 13, 2006 --9:00 p.m.
Clarifying Expectations Children & Death Foster Parenting Teleseries Six (6) Week teleseries. Click on link for more information or to purchase. Foster Parent Agencies - Please click here to order this teleseries
************************ Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times: June 7, 2006 -- 8:00 - 9:00 p.m. **************** Relationship Magic Parenting your Child without Navigating a War Zone Lose the Weight You Want Forever Anger Management: Take the Wind Out of Their Sails! ***************************** Kim Olver has a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim is the author of Leveraging Diversity at Workä and the author of the forthcoming books, Empowerment Parentingä and Relationship Empowermentä. She is a member of the American Counseling Association and a certified reality therapy instructor with the William Glasser Institute. She has provided training to thousands of people in Glasser’s ideas that gave birth to the concepts she teaches now: “Inside Out Empowerment.” Kim is an expert in relationship, parenting and personal empowerment. She works with individuals who want to gain more effective control of their lives and relationships, and who would like to achieve greater satisfaction and heightened contentment. What makes her services different from other relationship experts is that she helps her clients tap into their internal power source by focusing only on those things they can change, and as a result, her clients become empowered so they can deliberately create the life and relationships they deserve. Her website, www.therelationshipcenter.biz, offers free chats, assessments, a blog and an eZine, as well as workshops, teleclasses, e-courses, advice, counseling and coaching.
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Seven Keys to Happiness This article summarizes much of what I’ve learned thus far on my journey to self-discovery and positive growth. Along the way, through many of life’s ups and downs, with the help of many awesome teachers and mentors, I now most often live in a state of happiness and contentment. I still have lots to learn but I wanted to share with you what I’ve found most helpful thus far. I truly believe that all people have the capacity to choose their mental attitude. Therefore, if happiness is what you desire, then you must choose it. Here are some helpful ideas to help you do just that. 1. Self-Worth Self-worth—without it, happiness will always be just beyond your grasp. Self-worth is, of course, something that can be measured along a continuum. It isn’t like you either have it or you don’t. You can possess varying degrees and those degrees can themselves vary depending on the circumstances of your life. 2. Gratitude The second key to happiness is gratitude. It is human nature to enumerate the things that are NOT the way we want them to be. We are programmed to notice when things are off, and not necessarily appreciate when all is as we want it. This makes maintaining an attitude of gratitude a challenge but nonetheless something we should strive for. I have mentioned before that Universal Law tells us that we attract those things we think about most often. When we are grateful for what we have, more is bestowed upon us. 3. Positive Life Framing The third key to happiness is positive life framing. There are three ways to view any piece of information—positively, negatively or neutrally. Viewing information as neutral is the best way to go through life. It allows us to accept everything as it comes and to stop resisting what actually is in any given moment. However, many of us have great difficulty with that one. 4. Internal Locus of Control The fourth key to happiness is possessing an internal locus of control. People who have an internal locus of control believe that they are responsible for their own behavior and its results based on their own personal decisions and efforts. This is contrasted with those who have an external locus of control. These individuals believe that their behavior is determined by external circumstances such as other people, fate, luck or circumstances beyond their control. 5. Lifelong Learning The fifth key to happiness is to adopt an attitude of lifelong learning. Your goal each day should be to learn something new. As you encounter new people and situations, look for the wisdom that can be extracted from them. Particularly in areas where we believe we made a “mistake”, seek to uncover the lesson. There is always a lesson to be learned. When we believe we know all there is to know, that is when we are in dangerous territory. When we think we know all, then we stop learning from the people and situations in our path. When we stop looking for the lessons, we begin to blame things external to ourselves for the pain we experience instead of seeking to learn whatever we need to know for our life’s journey. 6. Love Love is the sixth key to happiness. I am not talking about having a significant other in your life who loves you. I’m talking about having love inside of you that is just bursting out of you to touch others. Unconditional love is a concept we all strive for—unfortunately, most of us are looking to receive it rather than give it. You are truly fortunate and blessed when you have the unconditional love of someone—whether it’s your life partner, your mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, foster parent, friend or puppy! 7. Contribution The last key to happiness is contribution. This is a combination of knowing and following one’s life purpose. When people understand their divine purpose in this life and then go about fulfilling that purpose, they are making an awesome contribution to the good of mankind. Having meaningful work and leaving a legacy is an important key to happiness. When we do the work we were meant to do, we touch lives. It doesn’t matter whether one’s purpose is to clean the public restrooms or to find the cure for AIDS, following your divine purpose will bring about a strong life fulfillment that cannot be experienced any other way. Contribution is critical to happiness. Implementing these seven keys to happiness in one’s life is not an easy task. Personal coaching can be helpful as you are attempting to change some old, harmful habits into more productive, happiness-inducing ones. Jack Canfield says, “Of all the things successful people do to accelerate their trip down the path to success, participating in some kind of coaching program is at the top of the list. A coach will help you clarify your vision and goals, support you through your fears, keep you focused, confront your unconscious behaviors and old patterns, expect you to do your best, help you live by your values, show you how to earn more while working less, and keep you focused on your core genius.” Why not give it a try? Copyright © June 2006 Kim Olver. All rights reserved ****************************** ****************************** “In our minds, we must see that it's not —Albert Clark This quote speaks to the second Key of Happiness - gratitude. Gratitude begets happiness, not the other way around. Many are waiting to be happy so they can feel grateful for their happiness. However, it’s more accurate to first be grateful for what one has and then, happiness will follow. Choose your attitude, maintain that attitude in the face of obstacles and happiness will not allude you. ****************************** I realize that this month’s article is entitled, “Seven Keys to Happiness”, however, I believe it would be more appropriate to call it “Seven Keys to Inner Peace and Contentment.” Everyone is looking for happiness but that may be illusory. Happiness seems external. Happiness seems transitory. If we truly believe that for every negative event, there is a positive one, must we also believe that for all the happiness we experience, there must be unhappiness to balance it out? I believe it is more productive to seek inner peace and contentment. These are not transient, external or illusory. They are a state of mind that we can control. Seek inner peace and contentment. Those states imply a centeredness that will balance all of humankind. While happiness seems a more selfish pursuit, inner peace and contentment is more for the universal good. ******************************
Power versus Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior This is an excellent book that speaks of the difference between power and force. Power is quiet and requires no explanation. Force is coercive and creates an automatic counterforce. This has great applicability for couples, parents and bosses. Standing on the side of truth, justice and all that sustains life is power. This is strength of its own merit. Force represents all that is negative and life destructive. Whenever you attempt to make someone do something that they don't want to do, you are applying force. We do this through any number of behaviors such as manipulating, blaming, guilting, bribing, complaining, criticizing and coercing. This always creates a counterforce. Whenever you attempt to coerce someone else, you create a measure of resistance. This resistance may not show itself in your presence but it will manifest in the world in some way. People will undermine your authority, talk behind your back, rally other's support or confront you to your face. You cannot win with force. If you think you have, know that it is only temporary. What goes around comes around. Read the book. Its message is powerful! Click here to order this book ****************************** .. Q: I go to workshops all the time. I read the latest books on self-development and I always start out like gangbusters. But then, I don’t know what happens. I just can’t seem to sustain my new behaviors even though I know they work and I’ve experienced some degree of success. It seems like I always revert back to doing things the way I always have. What can I do?
A: This is a problem that plagues most of us and there is a very good explanation for it. Our brains are hardwired. Certain neurons that are accustomed to firing together have developed neural pathways so that when one neuron fires, it triggers a sequence of firing that is familiar to us. This could be equated with habits. When we have done things one way for a long time, our brains are hardwired to continue in the same manner. When we attempt to make changes and begin new habits, we are successful for as long as we conscious attend to the new behavior or when we have replaced the old habit with a new one. When we stop consciously attending to the new behavior we are attempting to develop, the old neural pathway fires together again. The key is to stay conscious of the new behavior long enough so that it will create its own neural pathway to replace the old one. ***************************** Relationship Improvement Tip Sheet - A fourteen (14) page document loaded with helpful tips on how to improve your relationship with the significant people in your life. FREE when you purchase one of our Coaching Packages or available by direct purchase by clicking on the title above. Click here to go to our list of coaching packages. Empowerment Parenting Report - Nineteen (19) page Report on how to parent your child in today's world using Empowerment Parenting. Empowerment Parenting involves a process in which you learn to understand the inherent conflict between you and your child and learn about the five basic human needs. Understanding these basic needs, which we are all born with, will help you improve the relationship with your child and maintain that relationship through the adolescent years. There are five proven techniques that help to diffuse an angry person’s anger when implemented with genuineness. Do you live with or have regular interaction with someone who is often frustrated and angry? Then this information can help that person as well as you. Your stress will decrease and you will develop more satisfying relationships. Give it a try. There is nothing to lose. If you are not satisfied with the information presented, just send me an email and I’ll return the money you paid and you can keep the report! Twelve Steps to Help you Lose the Weight Forever - In this thirteen (13) page report you will learn skills to help lose the weight and keep it off. You will learn Choice Theory, the new psychology of personal freedom, as an explanation for why you do what you do---no matter what is behind your weight issue, this theory can provide a framework for understanding. How many times have you attempted to lose weight only to gain it and more back again? Are you tired of being on a diet? Wonder what makes this program different? Well, in the first place, it is done in the privacy of your own home at your own pace. You decide when to complete the next lesson. Choice Theory Report
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