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Inside Out Personal Edition “You can't change the direction of the wind. . . but you can adjust your sails!” ---Jimmy Dean Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz
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| This Month's Feature Teleclass FREE Teleclass-Empowerment Parenting - We cannot continue to parent our children the way we did when they were younger children, or even the way our parents parented us. The world is different! Children are different! If we do not learn new innovations in parenting, our efforts will likely be ineffective at best, and actually destructive at their worst. Join us for this teleclass and learn about the inherent conflict between parents and their children, as well as ways to circumvent it. You can reasonably insure your child’s safety and still maintain a positive relationship Click Here for a full description and to register |
A Message from Kim This month’s ezine is about the horrible situation of intimate partner violence. Unfortunately, many live in situations where they fear for their own personal safety from people who are supposed to love them. I decided to do this topic this month based on the following request. Michelle McLean, a woman completing her Psychology Honors degree has asked for your help. As a part of her degree requirements, she is conducting a research project on Intimate Partner Violence. She designed an online questionnaire but seems to be experiencing a lot of difficulty posting it on the Internet. Many chat rooms and forums do not allow links to surveys, thus her expected response rate has been exceedingly low. Her study is aimed at identifying different patterns of violence between men and women, and can potentially lead to a greater understanding and thus a reduction of this serious social issue. |
In this Issue Quote of the Week: Tip of the Month Book Review
Relationship Q&A E-Courses Free Stuff About Kim Olver Click on the link below for a description of this amazing
F - R - E - E teleclass. Offered the second Tuesday of every month. Next Class September 12, 2006
FREE Teleclass-Anger Management Are you someone who is confronted with angry people in the course of your life? Spouses, children, extended family members, neighbors, community members who have tempers and like to yell at you? Want to learn ways to take the wind out their sails and have them communicating more cooperatively? Then this class is for you! ************************ FREE Teleclass Do you find that your happiness is often
contingent on people, circumstances or
things that you have no control over?
Do you feel like life is just passing
you by while you wait for.... Inside Out
Thinking is such a powerful way to unleash FREE Teleclass Goal Come on now; are you serious this time about keeping those New Year’s resolutions? Let’s really get serious about setting those goals for next year. This teleclass will give you a time-proven system for setting and actually attaining those New Year’s resolutions. No more excuses. Register for this call today. All you need is a telephone. ************************ Foster Parenting Teleseries Six (6) Week teleseries. Click on link for more information or to purchase. Foster Parent Agencies - Please click here to order this teleseries
*********************** Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times: Sept. 5, 2006 - 7:30- 8:30 pm
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Violence in Intimate Relationships Are you in an intimate relationship where violence is a part of your exchange? Does one or the other of you lash out physically toward the other? Do you want it to stop? Are you the partner in the relationship who resorts to physical violence when frustrated, upset or angry? Is this the person you want to be in your loving, intimate relationship? What do you want that you are trying to get by punishing your partner physically? Violence Receivers: Are you in a relationship with a partner who hurts you physically? Is this the kind of relationship you hoped for? Does he or she treat you good enough other times to make up for the times he or she hurts you? Are you holding onto the hope that it will change? Copyright © August 2006. Kim Olver. All rights reserved
NOTICE: This article is free and can be copied and reproduced as long as the copyright and bio is included at the bottom of the article ****************************** "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" - -Salvor Hardin. I think this quote say it all. People who are competent, intelligent and resourceful will find other ways to persuade and influence. When a person resorts to violence, what they are really saying is they are out of any other options and can’t comprehend a better way. ******************************
Finding Fish: A Memoir This is an autobiography about Antwone Fisher. I am reviewing this book because of our theme this month of domestic violence. If you saw and enjoyed the movie, Antwone Fisher, then this book really serves as a prequel. It’s not the same as the movie. The movie more or less starts with Mr Fisher as an adult; the book covers his early life, some clips of which are shown in the movie. Antwone Fisher was raised in foster homes prior to his time living on the street. He was subjected to emotional and physical abuse. However, he emerges stronger and triumphant as a young adult. I don’t want to say anymore about it because it will give away parts of the story but this is one true story that has a happy ending. It’s a good read. Click here to order this book ******************** Tip of the Month. If you are a victim of intimate partner violence and you want it to stop, you must reach out for help. Partners who resort to violence in their relationships are getting their needs met and they will do everything they can to keep you from telling their secret. If people know what they do, then they know they will be judged harshly. Abusers will try to convince you that the violence is your fault. Dinner wasn’t ready on time, you wore a dress that was too revealing, or you didn’t get the stain out of a shirt. None of these are reason for you to be physically hurt by someone who is supposed to love you. If you reach out to others for help, then you will increase your support network. Most people in abusive relationships have no support because the abuser cuts them off from outside relationships. He has better control that way. Tell people you trust and let them help you. If you are still afraid, then talk to a women’s shelter. They will be able to set you up in a safe house if you choose to leave. They should be listed in your yellow pages under “domestic violence” or “crisis intervention.” Stop the cycle. Get the support you need even if your choice is to stay.
Relationship Q&A Q: I found your site due to arguing with my fiancé once again about his anger. I love him more than anything but he really needs to learn to control himself. He told me he would go to counseling if I wouldn't leave him but he didn't go. Now, he's saying he likes his anger and thinks it helps him in situations. I tell him, "Yes, honey, but do you want to go on treating ME like this for the rest of your life?" and he tells me, "Well, no, but you fuel it a lot of the time!" So I can see that we may both be in the wrong. I know he sometimes can't control his anger and I know it comes from his childhood and his mother, he does too. I want more than anything to help him get over this and learn to control it and for me to learn how to effectively calm him down. But I'm afraid to even approach the subject since he's recently discovered that he "doesn't want to change" and it's "my fault." Please help. Since you are the one who reached out, I would really like to be able to help you. I know how difficult it can be when we want our significant other to be different than he is. Women are especially socialized to believe that the love of a great woman will help any man overcome his personality flaws. I'd just like you to consider one question, "What if he never changes?" I have absolutely no investment in your answer to that question. If you say you will love him forever even if his anger stays just the way it is, then I would try to help you make the most of the situation you're in. If you are adamant he must change, then I would try to help you with that, knowing that you are the only person you can control. I am concerned that he is attempting to blame you for his anger. This is never a good sign. The approach I use in coaching helps people take responsibility for the choices they make and anger is definitely a choice. Let me know how things work out for you. |