This Month's Feature Teleclass

F-R-E-E Teleclass - Anger Management
July 18, 2006 -- 9:00 -10:00 p.m.

Are you someone who is confronted with angry people in the course of your life? Spouses, children, extended family members, neighbors, community members who have tempers and like to yell at you? Want to learn ways to take the wind out their sails and have them communicating more cooperatively? Then this class is for you

Click Here for a full description and to purchase

In this Issue

Feature Article 

52 Free Things to Do with Your Partner on Date Night

Upcoming Events
Teleclasses
Chat Room

Quote of the Week:
"We have to hear our real desires, have the courage to stand up for ourselves, and believe that our own voices are the most important ones we will hear. It means we trust ourselves enough to direct our own lives. . .If you get stuck with someone who wants to contain your growth or control who you are, then you might as well choose to be alone."

--Sheila Ellison

Tip of the Month

Book Review
The Courage to Love Again
by Sheila Ellison

Relationship Q&A

Tip Sheets

E-Courses

Free Stuff

About Kim Olver

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Upcoming Events
Click on title of class to order
teleclass or visit
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
ALL TIMES IN EST 

Teleclasses  
All teleclasses are one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleclass.  You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available. 
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Relationships
the Choice Theory Way

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Foster Parenting Teleseries
Commencing Mondays
September 11, 2006 -
October 30, 2006
8:00 - 9:00 p.m. EST

Six (6) Week teleseries. Click on link for more information or to purchase. Foster Parent Agencies - Please click here to order this teleseries

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Chats
All times listed in EST

Kim will be available in her chat room for questions and dialog on the following dates and times:

June 30, 2006 --12:00 - 1:00 p.m.
July 3, 1006 -- 2:00 - 3:00 p.m.
July 12, 2006 -- 4:00 - 5:00 p.m.
July 17, 2006 -- 9:00 - 10:00 p.m.
July 27, 2006 -- 8:00 - 9:00 p.m.

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Relationship Q&A

Q: I found your site due to arguing with my fiance once again about his anger. I love him more than anything but he really needs to learn to control himself. He told me he would go to counseling if I wouldn't leave him but he didn't go. Now, he's saying he likes his anger and thinks it helps him in situations. I tell him, "Yes, honey, but do you want to go on treating ME like this for the rest of your life?" and he tells me, "Well, no, but you fuel it a lot of the time!" So I can see that we may both be in the wrong. I know he sometimes can't control his anger and I know it comes from his childhood and his mother, he does too. I want more than anything to help him get over this and learn to control it and for me to learn how to effectively calm him down. But I'm afraid to even approach the subject since he's recently discovered that he "doesn't want to change" and it's "my fault." Please help.

A: I do have some things that may help your finace, but only if he is willing to recognize a need and actually applies what he learns.

Since you are the one who reached out, I would really like to be able to help you. I know how difficult it can be when we want our significant other to be different than he is. Women are especially socialized to believe that the love of a great woman will help any man overcome his personality flaws.

I'd just like you to consider one question, "What if he never changes?" I have absolutely no investment in your answer to that question. If you say you will love him forever even if his anger stays just the way it is, then I would try to help you make the most of the situation you're in. If you are adament he must change, then I would try to help you with that, knowing that you are the only person you can control.

I am concerned that he is attempting to blame you for his anger. This is never a good sign. The approach I use in coaching helps people take responsibility for the choices they make and anger is definitely a choice. Let me know how things work out for you.

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Tip of the Month.

Many times people stay in relationships out of habit or hope. Habit because it's been what the person has done consistantly over time and the thought of making a change can be overwhelming. Hope because we hope that someday our significant other will transform into the person we want him or her to be.

I am not advocating for ending or maintaining relationships. There are good reasons to stay in them and good reasons to end them. I just want people to be clear about their motivation for making the decision they make. If you stay out of habit, ask yourself it you are willing to continue as you are indefinitely? If you are staying hoping for things to change, ask yourself how long are you willing to wait?

If you are willing to wait indefinitely and to continue your current relationship habit, then that's what you'll do. However, if you want to take decisive action to make a change, then the pain of staying has to be greater than the pain of leaving. Honestly evaluating your relationship will help you make the best decision for you.

52 Free Things to Do with Your
Partner on Date Night
by: Kim Olver

One of the things that works to keep relationships alive is spending quality time with each other. In this day of the information age, it is becoming increasingly difficult to carve out the necessary time to nurture our relationships. What with long work hours, helping kids with their homework, transporting them around to their extracurricular activities, getting dinner, cleaning up and going through the bedtime routine, what time is left?

Unless you orchestrate the time for your relationship, other less important things will crowd in and take what precious little time you do have. Pick a night that will be “date night” with your partner and make a game out of being as creative as you can be. Try to see how many things you can do without spending money.

To get you started, I’ve come up with some suggestions to help you for the next year. What follows are 52 ideas for how to spend creative time together without spending money. Feel free to add or modify any of the items on the list to suit your particular relationship and circumstances.

SUMMER

1. Build a campfire and roast marshmallows.
2. Go swimming or skinny dipping.
3. Give each other a manicure or pedicure.
4. Go somewhere crowded to people watch.
5. Go to a free outdoor event, perhaps a concert.
6. Lie on a blanket outside and watch the clouds or stars.
7. Go on a picnic.
8. Watch a fireworks display.
9. Be creative and engage in sexual role plays. Be anyone you’d like to be for the night who is also exciting for your partner.
10. Sit by the water somewhere.
11. Do a prolonged strip tease for each other.
12. Have a water balloon fight.
13. Sit outside and read poetry to each other.

FALL

1. Go for a drive together.
2. Go window shopping.
3. Incorporate food into your love making---chocolate syrup, whipped cream, fondue, strawberries---anything you and your partner enjoy.
4. Call or write to someone you haven’t had contact with in a while.
5. Cook something together.
6. Spend an evening just talking with each other. Talk about the things you have done, plans you have for the future, important people in your lives or current events.
7. Take a bubble bath together.
8. Go to a free movie or museum.
9. Take a drive and find the potential in old houses and their properties.
10. Create an imaginary story together---either orally or in written form.
11. Take turns being each other’s genie in a bottle by fulfilling your partner’s every wish and fantasy.
12. Play in the fallen leaves.
13. Create an exciting scavenger hunt that ends in your bed.

WINTER

1. Take a drive to look at the Christmas decorations.
2. Play cards---perhaps strip poker.
3. Watch a movie together.
4. Go outside and have a snowball fight.
5. Get some finger paints and create your own body art with each other as your canvass.
6. Go sleigh riding.
7. Go ice skating.
8. Work out or exercise together.
9. Stage your own improvisation show.
10. Sing to each other.
11. Review or create a photo album or scrapbook of your memories together.
12. Play a board game---perhaps chess, Scrabble or Twister.
13. Go to a book store, get coffee and read for hours.

SPRING

1. Work on a remodeling project together.
2. Plan and complete a yard work project together.
3. Do the spring cleaning together---room by room. When done, reward yourself by making love in the room you’ve cleaned.
4. Put on old clothes and mud wrestle after some drenching rain.
5. Give each other a massage.
6. Play catch---football, baseball, softball or Frisbee.
7. Go to a car dealer and test drive the car of your dreams.
8. Shoot basketball together.
9. Dance together.
10. Take a shower together and wash each other---everywhere.
11. Take a free adult education class together.
12. Go to a mall and have a contest to see which one of you can get the most free samples.
13. Go rollerblading or bike riding.

Now you have 52 suggestions for things to do with your partner for every week of the year divided by season. Certainly you don’t have to follow my suggestions. Feel free to add your own or to repeat your favorites as often as you’d like.

The main point is not to see how kinky you can get. The idea is to keep your relationship alive by making time together a priority. It is important that you find things to do as a couple that you can both enjoy. If you have vastly different interests then you can enter this with the spirit of taking turns and each agree to happily participate in the activity chosen by the one whose turn it is that week.

As long as you make a habit of making your relationship a priority and allocating time each week for rejuvenation of the feelings that attracted you in the first place, then you stand a good chance of staying together for the long haul.

Please don’t let insidious boredom enter into your relationship through the back door. This is what frequently happens when we are busy placing other things ahead of our time for each other. You know what I mean---the job, the kids, our friend in crisis, etc. There will always be a competing interest for the time you’ve set aside for each other.

Other than natural disasters, threat of death or major crises, do not allow your time together to be invaded by any outside forces. Make sure to create opportunities for you to do things together without outside influence. With more than 50% of today’s marriages ending in divorce, make this small investment in the longevity of your relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. What’s stopping you? Start today.

Copyright © September 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved

NOTICE: This article is free and can be copied and reproduced as long as the copyright and bio is included at the bottom of the article

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Click here to read some of Kim's articles

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Quote of the Week

"We have to hear our real desires, have the courage to stand up for ourselves, and believe that our own voices are the most important ones we will hear. It means we trust ourselves enough to direct our own lives. . .If you get stuck with someone who wants to contain your growth or control who you are, then you might as well choose to be alone."

--Sheila Ellison

I have always believed it is best to be alone than to be with the wrong person. This is why it is critical for individuals to know and like themselves so they are comfortable spending time alone. When we don't know who we are, we may think we need a significant other to complete us. When we don't like who we are, we don't enjoy our own company and are looking for a partner to fill our time.

When individuals make the decision to become involved in a relationship, it should be because they have something to offer another person and because they would like intimacy in their lives. It should not be because they are looking for another person to "complete" them, nor should it be because they need intimacy in their lives.

Next time you contemplate beginning a new relationship, do it when you are content to be alone and this relationship is simply an enhancement to your already full life.

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Book Review

The Courage to Love Again
by Sheila Ellison

Ms. Ellison wrote a book for women who are trying to get back into the relationship game after a divorce. Having gone through it herself, Ellison provides a unique perspective on just how devasting a divorce can be to a woman's self-esteem and how dating again really is a process.

I liked that she divided her book into two parts and spoke of the inner work that must be done first, and then she addresses the issues involved in starting over. She is a big advocate of getting really clear on what you want and no longer catering solely to the man in your life. Treat yourself and your needs as at least as important as your man's.

She believes in making and constantly adjusting a list of what you want in a partner, as well as those things you don't and she cautions about settling for less than you want. She says there are good men out there who are also looking for meaningful, committed relationships so don't use that as an excuse for settling for someone less just because you think it might be your last chance and someone is better than no one.

She also has some practical advice about meeting men, dating, sex and even what to say to your children when you are ready. I really appreciated that Ellison does not pretend to know the magic words or the magic timeframe but allows that each woman is different and must do things in her own time without great consideration given to all the unsolicited advice a single woman will hear from others.

I think this book may provide newly divorced women some good advice about how to first prepare themselves and then how to get back into the dating scene. Check it out.

Click here to order this book