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Inside Out Personal Edition “You can't change the direction of the wind. . . . but you can adjust your sails!” ---Jimmy Dean Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC http://www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz August 2, 2005 , Volume I, Issue 8 |
| Hi everyone. I hope you all had a wonderful month of July, filled with love, laughter and success. Speaking of success, I recently learned of the difficulty people were experiencing when attempting to leave a comment on my blog. I did not know that when you clicked on the “comment” button, it would ask for tons of information and then you’d type your comment, attempt to post it, only to be asked to log in. Once you logged in, your comment was lost and you’d have to begin all over again. I sincerely apologize if this happened to any of my readers. It was some type of glitch in the software which has since been corrected. Now if you wish to post a comment, all you will have to do is leave your name and email address once. After that, you just need to log in with your user name and password. It should be a relatively painless procedure. I would love to get some comments. I was feeling like I was writing to some big cyberspace vortex somewhere. Talk to me! I’d love to get a dialogue going and get blog readers commenting to each other. Finally, I have a new product that I’d like to mention here. You should all have received an email about this new product. I am putting together a f-r-e-e teleclass on “Relationships the Choice Theory Way”. It is a teleclass where people can call in and hear the monthly message and then ask questions or make comments. I realize that there are lots of people out there who can’t afford to pay for help with their relationships. Additionally, there may be people out there who are trying to get a sense of who I am and what I do so this will be a good chance for those folks to get to know me better so they can make an informed decision about whether or not I’m the right person for them. If you know of anyone who could benefit from this f-r-e-e teleclass, please pass on the information. This class is not limited to couple relationships. It’s about important relationships in general. So, callers can get help with their life partner, children, parents, friends, co-workers, boss, parents, in-laws, siblings or anyone else who is important in their lives. You can click here for more information. Please pass on this eZine!! I am trying to get 1000 subscribers by August 1, 2005... HELP ME!
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In this Issue E-Courses - Lee Iacocca Tip of the Month Book Review Relationship Q&A ************************ ************************ Relationships Click on the link below for a description of this amazing F - R - E - E teleclass.
August 9, 2005 9:00 p.m.
Weight Loss Building Quality Relationships Are you a manager who has great technical skills but has difficulty understanding and supporting the people you supervise? Do you struggle with customer relation? Do you find working with things easier and less frustrating than working with people? Then this is the call for you. Come and learn some time-tested strategies and formulas for getting along with and understanding the relationship factor better. This is relationships made easy! August 10, 2005 2:00 p.m. August 29, 2005 7:00 p.m. Talking about Good, Bad & Secret Touch August 15, 2005 7:00 p.m. Effective Communication Are you a work setting and needing to communicate better with those above you, below you or on your teams? Do people just seem to go off in their own direction without knowing what other are doing? Is there a lot of misunderstanding on the job? Then this class will help. You will learn how to develop strong lines of communication and communicate honestly and directly to avoid confusion. September 7, 2005 2:00 p.m. Coming in April 2006 Chats
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Top Ten List of What to Do in Relationships By Kim Olver . Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships. . MEN --DOs .
. Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women’s List follows:
There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don’t become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away. Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new ways to improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next person in your life. Take our f -r-e-e- teleclass, Relationships the Choice Theory Way and improve your relationship now! Look for "Relationship Don'ts" in our September eZine Copyright © August 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved ****************************** . ****************************** "No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?" - Lee Iacocca . This quote really needs no further explanation but if you are . ****************************** Tip of the Month . My tip this month involves spending quality time with your special someone. When was the last time you had a “date” with your partner? I’m not talking about expensive getaway weekends, although those are nice, too. I’m talking about carving out time from your busy schedules just to spend time with each other. . When you prioritize spending quality time with the person you love, it sends a very clear message to that person that he or she is important and valuable to you. . It is so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, the drama and trauma of life, that we consequently take our loved ones for granted. We trust that they will always be there. After all, isn’t it enough that you come home every night, take care of the household chores, pay the bills, are faithful, don’t use drugs or alcohol, etc.? . While those things are important, it is also critical to allot special one-on-one time with your significant other. This usually means setting up a day and time when both of you will let other things go by the wayside. You don’t answer telephones, turn on the television, check email, or allow anything else to take priority. During that agreed upon time, spending quality time with your loved one is all that matters. . You don’t have a lot of money? What can you do? I’m open to additional suggestions here but some recent things that I have done that haven’t cost anything are: sitting outside on the deck on a warm summer’s night looking at the stars, watching a movie, preparing a meal together, going for a ride, having a picnic by a lake and don’t forget good, old-fashioned intimacy, romance and sex. . None of these cost money and can be incredibly enjoyable when you are in the mindset of nurturing your relationship with your significant other. I believe the romance goes out of relationships because people allow their lives to become so busy and full that there is no time left for their partner. . When you do get together at the end of the day, both people are so exhausted and stressed that it seems like sex is just one more thing on the “To Do” list. Please, do your relationship a favor and schedule at least one date night a week that is sacred and just for you and your partner. Get back in touch with each other and don’t let anything---I mean anything---get in your way. You won’t be sorry.
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Book Review
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus created quite a stir when it was first written in 1992 because of the veracity of its information. Dr. Gray explained in vivid detail why it is that men and women just don’t speak the same language and often misunderstand each other in relationships. After reading this book, it is obvious that men and women have completely different, and sometimes opposed, needs from their relationships. Any person interested in making their relationship better would benefit from reading this book with its practical and simple explanation of the opposite sex. Once we can stop trying to treat our partners the way we want to be treated ourselves and instead treat our partners the way they would like to be treated, then our relationship will show great improvement. Dr. Gray discusses how “men mistakenly offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction.” This is incredibly frustrating for both genders. Also, when under stress or experiencing difficulties, men tend to withdraw and want to work things our on their own; while women have an instinctive need to talk about their problems. In relationships, it is most important for men to feel needed; while women most need to feel cherished by their partners. Dr. Gray says that “men need to overcome their resistance to giving love while women must overcome their resistance to receiving it.” The book goes into the different languages between males and females and offers translations for commonly said things. He also talks about the different needs men and women have for intimacy. He says men are like rubber bands in that they can get very close and intimate but then they need to pull away for a period and eventually will be back in full force. Women’s intimacy needs tend to be more cyclical, not necessarily tied to her menstrual cycle. Another common difference is that women have a very difficult time asking for the support they need and men commonly resists requests made by their woman. Dr. Gray also offers practical advice for managing these differences and how each gender can support the other person’s needs and preferences in a relationship to improve the quality of the relationship. Men need to give women a love that is caring, understanding and respectful and women need to give men the kind of love that is trusting, accepting and appreciative. When arguing, men tend to act as if they are always right which then will invalidate a woman’s feelings. Women, on the other hand, when arguing will send messages of disapproval to their mate instead of disagreement which will incite a man’s defenses. There are also ways that men and women keep score in a relationship which are vastly different from each other. Men tend to award more points to bigger things while women give similar points for little and big things. This can create great misunderstanding between partners if he thinks he has everything covered but the big thing he did was only valued as a small thing. Or she believes she has built up a big amount of points by doing a lot of little things which he didn’t award points to at all. Dr. Gray talks about the power of communication and how important it is to share feelings in a relationship. He has developed a technique called “The Love Letter Technique” which he explains in great detail. It is a way of letting the other person know about things that are bothering us but always ends on a very loving, positive note. Finally, Dr. Gray ends this insightful book with a discussion of the “four seasons of love’, where he discusses the inevitable obstacles that exist in any relationship and the best ways for overcoming them and keeping the love strong in your relationship. This book is a must read for anyone interested in understanding his or her partner better and improving the quality of his or her significant relationship. Click here to order this book . . .. ****************************** .. F-r-e-e Teleclass Offer How would you like to take one of my teleclasses for f.ree? All you have to do is get two (2) people to subscribe to either of my e-zines and send me their e-mail addresses for confirmation with the name of the teleclass you would like to attend. If you do not wish to attend one of the teleclasses, you can give your f.ree teleclass to a friend or family member. It’s that simple! Send either one or both of the following links to all your friends and family and ask them to subscribe to the e-zine. For the personal edition of "Inside Out", go to The Relationship Center and for the business/school edition go to Coaching for Excellence and have them type their name and email address in the boxes on the right-hand side of the web page where it says, “Subscribe to Receive 'Inside Out', our Fr.ee eZine". Only two people actually have to subscribe for you to be eligible for a f.ree teleclass. Once their subscription has been confirmed you will receive an e-mail giving you the bridge line and access code for the teleclass of your choosing. A listing of teleclasses being offered can be found in both my weekly e-zine or on my calendar page at either web site. There is no limit to the amount of f.ree teleclasses you can earn---you get one f.ree teleclass for every two referrals that sign up for one of my e-zines. Within the next year I am planning on adding many new teleclasses on several topics including the following: . Weight Loss . Please continue to check this eZine and my website calendar for these new and exciting teleclasses. Don’t wait, take advantage of this offer and experience the new technology of teleclasses, learning and growing from home. |
