In this Issue
Featured Article -
How is Peaceful Parenting
Different?
Upcoming Events
Teleclasses
Workshops
Chat Room
Quote of the Week:
"Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him."
---Virginia Satir
Book Review:
Peaceful Parenting
by Dr. Nancy Buck
Relationship Q&A
New Product
E-Courses
About Kim Olver
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Upcoming Events
Click on the date to order teleclass or visit
www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
ALL TIMES IN EST
Teleclasses
All teleclasses are one (1) hour in length and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleclass. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.
Peaceful Parenting
Parents of teenagers having conflict and drama with your teens? This 60-minute teleseminar is for you! Raising teens doesn’t have to feel like the middle of a war zone! It is possible to maintain a positive relationship with your teen and still have some reasonable reassurance of his/her safety. I know because I raised my two teenaged sons alone after the death of my husband. It was Dr. Nancy Buck and Peaceful Parenting® that got me through. When you sign up for this teleclass, you will learn ways to maintain or develop a positive relationship with your teen, while keeping them safe and helping them to develop the decision making skills necessary to become self-sufficient adults. Don’t miss this potentially life changing interview with Dr. Nancy Buck, author of Peaceful Parenting®.
5/24/05 9:00 pm
Deadly Relationship Habits
Are you in a relationship that isn’t as satisfying as it used to be? Have you tried traditional counseling without success? Are you in a good relationship and always seeking ways to make it better? Then this teleclass is for you. You will learn behaviors that strengthen relationships and a method for negotiating differences that will leave you both feeling like winners. Don’t miss this exciting opportunity to transform your relationship into one you truly value.
5/18/05 2:00 pm
5/25/05 9:00 pm
Rejoin the Living
Ever been in a relationship that ended when it wasn’t your choice? Are you feeling devastated because you find yourself alone again? Do you want to rejoin the living? Then this class is for you! There is a definite process to grieving the loss of an important relationship and if you are not yet ready to take action and move on, then that’s OK. But if you are, join this teleclass where you will learn how to stop crying because it’s over and to start smiling because it happened.
5/19/05 2:00 pm
5/26/05 7:30 pm
Living from the Inside Out
Are you interested in personal growth? Would you like to increase your personal power and ability to make your life the way you want it to be? Learn how to focus your energy where it will truly make a difference to your happiness and life satisfaction. Learn how to determine what behaviors are working for you and which ones may need to be modified. Don’t delay! We can only take the first 100 to register.
5/18/05 8:30 pm
5/25/05 2:00 pm
Stress Management
Do you always feel like life gets the best of you? No matter what you do, it doesn’t seem to make a difference? There is too much undone work at the end of your day? People are getting on your last nerve? You just can’t take one more thing? Then this teleclass is for you! Learn how to reduce stress in your life by taking control of the things you have control over---the things you think and the things you do. These revolutionary ideas are different from the ones you typically hear in a stress management workshop. Register for this call today and take charge of your life.
6/22/05 8:00 pm
How to Manage the Trap of
Abusive Relationships
Are you involved in an abusive relationship? Do you feel trapped with no way out? Then, join this call. You will be able to speak with someone who cares and can help you think of your options. There will others on the call who are going through the same thing you are and can provide support. You owe it to yourself to register now. The call is only $19.
6/29/05 8:30 pm
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Workshops
Let's put RELATE back in RELATIONSHIP!
Couple Relationship Weekend
7/8 - 7/10
Chicago, IL
This weekend workshop can change your life and provide you with life long lessons that will greatly increase your understanding of your partner and improve the quality of your relationship. You will be encouraged, enlightened, and exhorted in ways that you never thought possible. For a more detailed description or to order this workshop click on the link above.
Parent/Teen Relationship Weekend
7/15 - 7/17
Chicago, IL
This workshop can change your life and bring peace back into your home. It will teach you how to provide for your child’s safety, without fighting and to increase the genuine loving relationship between you. You will be encouraged, enlightened, and exhorted in ways that you never thought possible. For a more detailed description or to order this weekend workshop click on the link above.
Chats
Kim will be available in
her chat room for questions
and dialog on the following
dates and times:
All times listed in EST
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Teen Chat
5/24 7:30 - 8:30 PM
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5/31 2:00 - 3:00 PM
6/7 8:00 - 9:00 PM
6/13 12:00 - 1:00 PM
6/21 8:00 - 9:00 PM
7/1 3:00 - 4:00 PM
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Relationship Q&A
Q: Could you tell me more about how the courses work? Are they on the telephone? Is it interactive? I am interested particularly in Peaceful
Parenting.
Faye
A: As for the Teleclasses, yes, they are on the phone. You dial in to what's called a bridge line. This is a simple phone number that can accommodate up to 100 people on one call. For Peaceful Parenting, I will be interviewing the author of the book Peaceful Parenting. So during the actual interview,
you will just be able to listen, but there will be times when the lines are opened up for Q & A. Of course, there are always participants who like to
talk and those who just like to listen. That's the beauty of the
teleclass---you get to do what's most comfortable for you. I hope you can join us and please, spread the word if you know anyone else who might benefit.
Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor, certified in Reality Therapy. This column is for readers to submit their relationship questions for Kim to answer. It could be a question about a couple relationship, a parenting relationship, a grief and loss relationship, a co-worker or friend relationship or even a question about your relationship with yourself. No relationship question is off limits! To ask your question, simply send it by email to kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz and look for her response in future issues
************************ About Kim Olver:
Kim Olver has an undergraduate degree in psychology, a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and is a licensed professional counselor. Since 1987, Kim has extensively studied the work of Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management. She was certified in Reality Therapy in 1992 and continued her studies to become a certified instructor for the William Glasser Institute. She is an expert at empowering people to navigate the sometimes difficult course of life---teaching them how to get the most out of the circumstances life provides them. These are incredibly powerful ideas with equal application to one’s work and personal lives. Kim is an expert in restoring hope, finding the positive side in life’s events and helping others do the same. If you would like to get your life back on track, get closer to important people in your life, stop feeling victimized or out of control, better manage the pain and disappointment of life or reduce depression, fear, frustration and anger so you can develop greater happiness and satisfaction in your life, then Kim can help. She will provide just the right
balance of challenge and support to assist you to navigate the course you choose. |
How Is Peaceful Parenting® Different?
by Dr. Nancy Buck
Peaceful Parenting® ideas are very different from other kinds of parenting practices that you have learned or read about. Certainly it is harder to practice Peaceful Parenting® than to simply threaten or bribe your child into following your directions or making what you consider to be the “right” choices. But what is the heart of the difference between Peaceful Parenting® and other programs?
Simply put, Peaceful Parenting® follows the idea that human beings are internally motivated. Children (and parents) do what they do because of what is going on inside of them. The world outside of the child (and the parents) gives the child information. But the child decides what to do with this information based on what is going on inside the child at the time.
So when you ask your 7-year old to come inside for supper, your child hears your request as information. Based on what is going on for this child, he will behave accordingly. One child might decide to run inside as you have asked because he is very hungry. Or another child might decide to play one more inning of kick ball with her friends. Yes, she has heard your request. Yes, she wants to eat supper. But she also wants to play one more inning because it is her turn to kick and she knows she will kick the winning run!
Contrary to what you may have learned in other parenting programs, children cannot be manipulated into behaving just as we want them to. Unfortunately there is a lot of information in our culture that would lead parents to believe that they can, should and must control their children.
The reality is that people are not easily controlled. In fact the very urge to control others may result in those others resisting harder because they do not want to feel controlled. If people were as easily manipulated and controlled as our culture represents you too would be easily controlled and manipulated.
For instance, do you have the ability to resist buying everything that is advertised to you in the media? Of course you do! Even the “bribes,” positive reinforcements or carrots the advertisers offer with rebates and sale prices does not mean that you must purchase every thing, willy nilly. You decide to purchase a product because you need or want a specific item, not because of the enticement of advertising.
Do you have the ability to resist your child’s unhealthy or inappropriate request? Even when your child punishes you by telling you she “hates you” or “won’t love you any more if you don’t give in to her way,” you still have the ability to stick by your decision to answer your child’s request with a firm “no” response. No matter how hard your child tries to externally control you, you can make a reasonable decision.
So why do we think it is otherwise with children? Simply because our children are smaller, less experienced and younger does not mean they are any more easily controlled or manipulated using external rewards and punishments.
Peaceful Parenting® means you understand your children are internally motivated by their genetic instructions for safety, love, power, fun and freedom. Practicing Peaceful Parenting® means you understand that you are also internally motivated by your genetic instructions for safety, love, power, fun and freedom. Both parents and children experience the urge to control one another because parents and children are both born with the urge for power. Luckily we are also born with an urge for love. Our desire to stay connected with one another hopefully ameliorates our desire to win and control each other. Understanding this means the desire to follow Peaceful Parenting® ideas. It is harder, more challenging and more rewarding than trying to control our children using external control ideas. Peaceful Parenting® also is more respectful of your child’s capacities to learn and become a responsible adult.
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www.coachingforexcellence.biz
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Quote of the Week
"Once a human being has arrived on this earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him."
---Virginia Satir
This week’s quote speaks to the concept of Peaceful Parenting. Once your child is born, it is the way you communicate with him that will shape his entire future. Will you communicate in a way that builds self-esteem or tears it down? Will you operate as if your child’s needs are as important as your own? Will you communicate as if you remember what it was like to be your child’s age? Will you work toward helping your child get the things he or she wants as long as it isn’t hurtful to anyone? What do you want to communicate to your child? Peaceful Parenting will give you a model to help you to be the parent you want to be. Please register for the Peaceful Parenting teleclass. You will hear from the author how to develop the kind of relationship you want with your child. Don’t miss this informative class. All you need is a telephone. You can interact or remain silent, whatever your preference. Just get involved. It could make all the difference in the world.
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Book Review
Peaceful Parenting
by Dr. Nancy Buck
This is a book with special significance to me. After my husband passed away, I was left with the daunting task of attempting to raise two angry, confused teenaged boys. In my marriage, my husband had always been the disciplinarian and I the “pushover.” I knew I couldn’t continue being the pushover or my boys would be running all over me. I had total faith in Choice Theory but really didn’t know how to apply the concepts concretely to parenting. Peaceful Parenting became my instruction manual, along with regular calls to its author, Nancy, my personal friend.
Peaceful Parenting begins with an explanation of Choice Theory so that readers can understand the psychology behind its methods. This explains the human five basic needs as genetic instructions. We are born with a drive to get our needs met but we don’t come with instructions on how to do that without hurting others. So, if we are attempting to satisfy our need for power, we could do so by beating someone up or performing well on a test in school. Both meet the same need---it’s just that one is more responsible than the other. Responsibility must be taught and learned.
Dr. Buck then goes on to explain her developmental model of how the various need strengths change depending on what stage a person is in. Babies are motivated by the survival need. Once an infant is approximately two-months old and is beginning to smile and recognize familiar faces, then the love & belonging need kicks in. Around two-years old, most of us understand toddlers are pushed by their needs for power and freedom. After that, children basically alternate every six months between the cooperative and the competitive needs---thus love & belonging and fun are in place and then six months later, power and freedom seem to kick in. Just when you are at your wits end and think you can’t take your child one more day, the love & belonging and fun needs kick in. And this continues into young adulthood at which time Dr. Buck suggests a gender split.
Peaceful Parenting talks about how a parent’s driving need to keep their children safe often conflicts with the children's needs to explore their world and gain more freedom. This is what Dr. Buck calls the inherent conflict between parents and their children. She demonstrates a process by which both parents and children can get what they need through open negotiation with limits being set by parents around safety issues. She talks about restricting freedom only as long as it takes to teach responsible behaviors to manage the freedom.
Dr. Buck's work has provided hope to parents everywhere. There is a way to raise children to become responsible adults without punishing and criticizing them and without the stress and strain of WW III occurring within your household. Purchase Peaceful Parenting today and learn how to start this process with your children. Mine are 19 - and 21- years old now and I couldn’t be prouder of the young men they have become. They are responsible and independent, making good decisions most of the time. You can create these outcomes in your family, as well.
Click here to order this book or visit
www.Peacefulparenting.com
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New Product
eCourses
Kim is now offering e-courses at an introductory price. These are weekly lessons and assignments that you will get in your email box to help you deal with issues you, or someone you know, may be experiencing in your life. Since Kim used to have a private counseling practice, she is aware that there are many people out there who might like the benefit of counseling but aren’t ready or willing to take the next step and actually make the appointment. These e-courses provide a way for you to work on your issues in the comfort of your own home. Each course is at least 12 weeks in duration. . You can work at your own pace and individual coaching is offered at a reduced rate should you get involved in a lesson and feel you want more individual direction. Pay only a fraction of the cost of 12 weeks of actual counseling. You could expect to pay, at minimum, $600 for 12 weeks of counseling and my eCourses are priced at a low cost of $297---that’s less than $25 a session!. They also come with a money back guarantee. If you do not receive actual value from these lessons, just email Kim at kim@therelationshipcenter.biz within two (2) weeks of receiving your last lesson and receive a full refund. What is there to lose? Work on your sensitive areas at your own pace, in the privacy of your own home, without anyone being the wiser. There is also the added coaching support should you want it. Try one today. The introductory price will be effect from now until July 1, 2005. The following is a list of e-courses Kim is currently offering:
Improving Your Relationship with Your Current or Future Significant Other:
In this 16-week course, couples or singles looking for a mate, will learn about their basic needs, explore their value systems, and discuss and articulate their general goals and direction for their lives. They will learn about some significant differences between men and women and be taught some secrets to satisfying their partner better by speaking the language of their partner. Kim’s new golden rule is: “Do unto others as they would want you to do unto them!” Giving to our partners what we would want for ourselves is often ineffective, misunderstood and sometimes damaging to our relationships. We will discuss ways to increase effective communication, minimize the use of the deadly relationship habits and maximize the implementation of the caring relationship habits. Sensitive topics that frequently create conflict between couples will be discussed: parenting, finances, free time together or apart, jealousy, sex, and extended family & friends. Finally, ways to minimize and manage conflict will be taught and you will have opportunities to practice. Email support will be provided between lessons---one email per week to answer questions or clarify content. This course is listed at $396, but will sell until 7/01/05 at $296.
Parenting Teens
In this 20-week course, parents will learn how to work with their teens to create a harmonious home environment where each are able to get what they need. We will discuss yesterday’s model of parenting, as well as why it’s ineffective with teens today. You will learn a firm foundation in Choice Theory, which explains all human behavior---including yours and your children’s. You will learn how to negotiate win/win solutions so as not to experience all the resistance teens like to use. Issues such as homework; sex; drinking/drugs; choice of friends; curfew; chores; music, hairstyle, piercings and tattoos; and bedtime are all weekly lessons designed to give you some insight as to how to manage those situations with your children. This course is listed at $495 but is on sale until 7/01/05 at $395.
Managing Grief, Separation and Loss
In this 12-week course, you will learn techniques to help ease the pain of the death of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship or the separation from a loved one due to distance. You will learn ways to articulate the loss, understand your anger and frustration, taking inventory of all you have lost, finding ways to memorialize your loved one as an inoculation to the depression and learning to reframe the experience. Kim lost her husband six years ago and has first-hand experience in how to ease that pain. Help yourself rejoin the living by taking this e-course. You won’t even have to leave your home. This course is listed at $297 but will sell at $197 until 7/01/05.
Weight Loss
This e-course on weight loss will teach you Choice Theory, the new psychology of personal freedom, as an explanation for why you do what you do---no matter what is behind your weight issue, this theory can provide a framework for understanding. Along with this knowledge comes a decision for you to make---what are you going to do about this new knowledge? You will explore your past successes, your food triggers and the thoughts you tell yourself. You will learn ways to reprogram your mind for long lasting change. This course is 12 weeks in duration and normally lists for $297.00 but you can purchase it for $197.00 until 7/01.05.
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