Choice Theory

Power can be a Wonderful Thing

Posted by on Jan 11, 2018 in Choice Theory, mental health, power, Relationship with Self, Relationships, Self-Development, Self-growth | 0 comments

Power can be a Wonderful Thing

Since Choice Theory is often about reducing your use of external control, we tend to shy away from admitting we may have a high power need. The power need is frequently misunderstood; it does not have to mean you are a bully and a control freak. Of course, some people with a high need for power are bullies and control freaks, but that isn’t the only way to manifest this need. Toddlers naturally excel at powering over other people. Have you ever seen a toddler holding a toy another toddler wants? The child has many behaviors in her repertoire; she can hit, kick, bite, pinch, scratch, pull...

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Relationships: Whose Problem is It?

Posted by on Dec 7, 2017 in Choice Theory, listening, love, mental health, Relationships, romance, Self-Development, Self-growth, Trust | Comments Off on Relationships: Whose Problem is It?

Relationships: Whose Problem is It?

by Kim Olver In relationships, it is not uncommon for couples to have difficulties—your partner may do things that drive you crazy. In my work with couples, I often hear complaints about men leaving their dirty clothes right next to the hamper. I have seen women on the verge of divorce or a mental breakdown over this seemingly simple and innocent issue. Something men complain about is their wife’s inability to put gas in her car; it drives them wild! Though it seems like another simple issue, it has also placed a huge strain on many relationships. When I ask the question, “Whose problem...

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Grieving from a Choice Theory® Perspective

Posted by on Oct 25, 2017 in Choice Theory, Grief and Loss, Relationship with Self, Relationships | Comments Off on Grieving from a Choice Theory® Perspective

Grieving from a Choice Theory® Perspective

When someone we love dies, we go through a grief process that was best described by Elizabeth Kublar-Ross in her book, On Death and Dying. This process is made up of five stages—denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages can happen in any order and are not predictable . You can be experiencing the anger phase today, fall into depression tomorrow, and jump back to denial by the weekend. There is no rhyme or reason, no way to predict how long a phase will last—only what feels right for each individual at the time. If a well-meaning family member,...

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Guilting wife into sex is a bad idea

Posted by on Oct 3, 2017 in Choice Theory, guilt, listening, love, Relationships, romance, sex | Comments Off on Guilting wife into sex is a bad idea

Guilting wife into sex is a bad idea

This article is about how to help women feel sexual minus the guilty control. As a Choice Theory expert, I know that trying to guilt your wife into having sex will be a lose/lose/lose proposition. You will not have the enthusiastic sex partner you really crave; she will not be feeling amorous toward the person who coerced her; and your relationship will grow weaker because of it. Whenever one partner tries to get the other partner to do something he or she doesn’t want to do either through complaints, threats or guilt, the result is akin to pounding a sledgehammer against a concrete...

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Unconditional Trust Challenge

Posted by on Sep 27, 2017 in Choice Theory, Relationship with Self, Relationships, Relationships - Home, Relationships - Work, Self-Development, Self-growth, Trust | Comments Off on Unconditional Trust Challenge

Unconditional Trust Challenge

by Kim Olver My friend recently wrote something on Facebook that, for me, sparked some further thinking: “I used to worry about people I love. Now I just love them.” Later that same day, a client of mine shared a story about her mind wandering while home with her husband on a Saturday night. She began thinking about the persistent cough her daughter has had for the last two years, which evolved into the idea she may have cancer. She imagined her daughter dying, leaving behind her children that she and her husband would need to take care of. She went from zero to sixty in three...

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Happy Holidays??

Posted by on Dec 23, 2016 in Choice Theory, Holiday, Relationship with Self, Relationships, Relationships - Home, Self-growth, stress | Comments Off on Happy Holidays??

Happy Holidays??

The holidays can be a beautiful or a stressful time and sometimes, it can be both. I was talking with my daughter-in-law about all the stress she was experiencing because time was running out and she had more to accomplish before Christmas than time to accomplish it in. This reminded me of a Christmas when I was feeling the exact same way and my sons were teenagers. I remember sitting them down and saying, “Look, there are so many things I want to do before Christmas and I don’t have enough time to do it all. So I either need you to help me or tell me what you don’t care...

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