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In this Issue

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Ongoing Mastermind Group, offered the second Tuesday of every month. Anyone can join in to learn about the process of IOE, Inside Out Empowerment and how it can open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.

Next Meeting :
February 9, 2010
8:45 - 9:45 p.m. EST

The mastermind group is one (1) hour in length unless otherwise stated and all you need is a telephone. When you register we will send you a phone number that you will call five minutes prior to the start of your teleconference. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, but if you prefer to just listen that’s all right too. You do not need a computer or Internet, only a telephone. Don’t delay. There are a limited number of slots available.

Workshops

Click on title of class for more information and to register or
ALL TIMES IN EST

Choice Coaching
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL
April 8-9, 2010

Learn why businesses are moving from the authoritarian approach in supervision to the collaborative coaching approach in this two-day class. Generation X and Y workers do not respond well to authoritarian supervision. Coaching provides a new model of supervision designed to reach those workers. Learn the psychology behind this supervision style and
practice its use while receiving feedback.

Relationship Empowerment
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL - 9:00 - 10:30
April 10, 2010

In this highly interactive workshop, I will naturally cover the seven deadly and seven caring habits of relationships. I also plan to differentiate between power and force (as in David Hawkins’ brilliant book) which is a nice parallel to Glasser’s contention that external control is what’s destroying relationships. We will explore how males and females experience relationships differently and want different things from the relationship.

Empowerment Parenting
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL
10:45 a.m. - 12: 15 p.m.
April 10, 2010

This workshop help parents to understand the psychology behind what is happening with their children at various stages. Parents will learn how to align themselves with their child’s resistance for increased cooperation and compliance. Parents will learn how to sacrifice what they want now—strict compliance, for what they REALLY want—a responsible, caring, child who is capable of making rational decisions. Empowerment Parenting teaches parents simple skills and strategies for helping their children successfully make it through the challenging phases of their lives.

Goal Setting & Attainment:Getting What You Want in 2010!
Prairie State College, Matteson, IL
1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
April 10, 2010

You can attain your goals year after year with an effective, time-tested system—a plan with built-in support and accountability. Attaining your goals requires hard work and determination. You need to plan and make time to work on your goals. They will not just happen. This workshop will give you the strategies you need to make a plan and manage your time while still maintaining a positive attitude and staying motivated until you complete your goals.

Take our FREE Relationship Assessments to determine your compatibility with your current or future life partner!

Inside Out

Personal Edition

“You can't change the direction of the wind. . .
but you can adjust your sails!”

---Jimmy Dean

Kim Olver, MS, NCC, LPC

www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz
Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz

February 8 , 2009 - Volume 6, Issue 1

This Month's Featured Products

Leveraging Diversity at Work - This book helps companies who understand the value of diversity to build, retain and leverage the diverse workforce they need to be competitive in this country, as well as the global market. NORMALLY $19.95 ON SALE NOW ..$14.95!

Relationships from the Inside Out Tip Sheet - A fifteen (15) page document loaded with helpful tips on how to improve your relationship with the significant people in your life. Create more intimacy and romance. Learn how to communicate more effectively, build trust and respect. NORMALLY $19.95 ON SALE NOW ..$14.95!

Prepare to Love Again eBook - In this eBook you will learn techniques to help ease the pain of the death of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship or the separation from a loved one due to distance. Includes our Prepare to Love Again Action Book. NORMALLY $24.95 ON SALE NOW ..$19.95!

Empowerment Parenting Report - Nineteen (19) page Report on how to parent your child in today's world using Empowerment Parenting. Empowerment Parenting involves a process in which you learn to understand the inherent conflict between you and your child and learn about the five basic human needs. NORMALLY $19.95 ON SALE NOW ..$14.95!

A Message from Kim

Kim Olver

Hi Everyone,

I am very excited to write to you this month because I finished the first draft of my book, Secrets of Successful Couples, while I was in Cabo last month. It will discuss the relationship cycle from the Alone Stage to the Getting Together Stage, to the Compatibility Stage and finally, to the Maintenance Stage.

The last chapter is devoted to the concept that all physical relationships end, meaning that unless you die simultaneously, the relationship you are in will end and one of you will be left behind. This can happen in as a result of a death, divorce or decision. When it happens, the person(s) left behind will be back at the beginning of the relationship cycle, the Alone Stage.

I am very pleased with how it turned out and will be frantically working on the second draft so I can get chapters out for peer review later in February.

One problem I still have is that I haven't had 100 couples take my relationship survey yet. I'm still searching for couples who have been together for at least 10 years and are happy and satisfied with their relationship to take my online survey. All they have to do is go to http://www.therelationshipcenter.biz and give me their name and the email address of themselves and their partner. Please pass this on to anyone you think qualifies and would be interested. Anyone completing the survey will receive an electronic copy of the book even before it's released to the general public.

I appreciate your loyalty and assistance with this project. This is a book that will help so many people in relationships. I can't wait to get it published.

Make today the day you want it to be!
Unleash the power within you.

Kim Olver

Feature Article

Five Steps to Finding Your Soulmate
by Kim Olver

Many times I talk to people who ask the questions: "Why can’t I find a good man/woman?" " Why do I keep making the same mistakes in my relationships?"

When you are in between relationships, there is much introspective work to do. Without taking the time time to look at yourself, you are often in the position of repeating the same patterns over and over again.

1. Get very clear about who you want for your life partner. It is helpful to write an actual list. Because of the way the Law of Attraction works, you want to make sure you record the traits, qualities and characteristics of the person you want to attract into your life. Be very careful you aren’t recording the things you don’t want. Whenever you focus on things you don’t want, the Universe actually brings you more of the same, which explains why some of the same patterns are repeated over and over again.

Think about physical, intellectual, emotional, financial, relationship and spiritual characteristics you want in your soulmate. Divide your list into three categories. One is non-negotiables you won’t live without. Another is important characteristics you definitely want in your soulmate and third are those "nice to have" items. They would be nice to have but you would be willing to compromise on them.

2. Take a close look in the mirror, asking the question, “Am I being the person who would attract my desired soulmate into my life”? Often you know what you want in your life but don’t take the time to determine if you are the person your soulmate would be attracted to. You may be seeking someone trustworthy but you are seeing other people behind his or her back. You may want someone mature who doesn’t bring a lot of drama, yet you have drama all around you.

3. Dig deeper into your subconscious awareness. On the outside, you may appear to be the person who will attract your soulmate, however, when you look deeper you realize you have some subconscious beliefs that prevent you from connecting with the person of your dreams. You may believe that deep down at your base level, there is something wrong with you and you don’t deserve to be happy in a relationship. Perhaps someone you care deeply for doesn’t have a happy relationship in their life and you don’t want them to feel bad if you find one for yourself. You may believe you will lose yourself in a relationship. You may think if you open yourself up to real love, you will do something to ruin it and have to suffer the pain of it ending.

There may be many of these subconscious beliefs that get in the way of you manifesting the person you want in your life. One way to access that subconscious information is to ask the question, “What would I have to give up to have the relationship I want”? Allow yourself to ponder this question while going deeper into your subconscious for the answer. As long as the information remains subconscious, you can’t counterbalance it with helpful beliefs. It must be brought into the light.

The fourth step of this process is to honestly and accurately evaluate whether your actions, thoughts, and feelings are consistent with attracting the soulmate you want. If your answer is yes, then you can proceed to Step Five. If your answer is no, then move to Step Four.

4. Reinvent yourself. Make a plan and following it about what you need to change to become the person your soulmate will choose to share his or her life with. This can involve changing things you do as well as the harmful things you think.

5. Believe it is going to happen. Once you have done the work to get clear about what you want and then transformed yourself into the person who will attract that person, simply rest in the knowledge that it’s just a matter of time. Your soulmate is on his or way into your life. Know that you are perfectly content and complete while you are patiently waiting.

Remember, while you wait, your soulmate may be doing his or her own assessment and evaluation of whether he or she can attract you.

About Kim Olver

Kim Olver is a life coach and public speaker who has a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and a licensed professional counselor in two states. She has worked in the helping profession since 1982 and has spent her entire life helping people get along better with the important people in their lives. Kim works with couples, parents and children, and individuals seeking to improve their lives. To learn more about relationships check out her Relationships from the Inside Out Tip Sheet

Click here to read some of Kim's other articles

Quote of the Month

"Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you.
They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. "

~Author Unknown

I have said this exact same thing about my guy. He may not be perfect but he is perfect for me. This means he has faults but even those faults somehow help me grow.

Your soulmate will support you in all you do while challenging you to be even better every day. Your soulmate will support you even when you are wrong but will ask you challenging questions so you can realize your mistakes and do it differently and better in the future.

When you find your soulmate, you know. You know you no longer need to look for "Mr./Ms. Right." You have found "The One," the one who makes you laugh when you are down and shares your joy when you are up.

When your soulmate is lost in his or her faults, as she or he will sometimes be, those faults provide an opportunity for you to return the favor. You support him or her in everything and challenge your soulmate to be the best he or she can be. Those faults also provide you the chance to learn unconditional love, which is the most amazing form of love you can ever experience.

If you have found your soulmate, you know what I mean. If you haven't, I wish you well on your journey.

Book Review

The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction
by Arielle Ford

I am so pleased to say I interviewed Arielle Ford for my book. She greatly added to the beginning part of the book on what to do to prepare for the relationship of your dreams.

In The Soulmate Secret, Ms. Ford discusses how to bring the person you want into your life by engaging the Law of Attraction. The way it works is that the Universe will bring you those things upon which you focus your attention.

If you focus on why you can't find a good man or woman, you will continue to have difficulty because the Universe wants to have what you focus on which is your lack of success in relationships.

Instead you want to take some of the steps I discussed in my article above and read Ms. Ford's book and put her suggestions into action. You too will be well on your way to manifesting your true soulmate.

Click here to purchase book

Tip of the Month

Things could drastically improve in our relationships if we simply asked for what we want. I am mostly speaking to women here because most men are adept at saying exactly what they want. They don't beat around the bush. Women, on the other hand, are notorious for hinting around. When we hint to other women who are emotionally in tune to subtle relationship cues, this method can work but when we hint around to our man, he usually takes us at face value without trying to read between the lines.

Ask for what you want. Be direct. Say exactly what you mean. You might just get it. . .unless you don't. And if you don't, then you can probably ask once or twice more but don't ask more then three times for then you are dangerously close to entering "nagging territory."

If you don't get what you want, then you need to look at how to compensate without attempting to guilt, threaten or punish your partner into doing what you want. Look closely at what you need and proceed to move in that direction regardless of what your partner does. Allow your partner to do what he or she needs to do, while you continue to move toward the things you want.

Q & A

Question: Thank you for the article. I have been in so much pain over the loss of my love. Your article was so insightful. One question I have. I have met a very wonderful man who wants to create a life with me but I can't seem to get over my former love. I feel regretful that I have met this great guy, but can not feel love for him at this time. Should I just let him go and wait until I am over my former love to try and pursue a new relationship? JM

Answer: I'm so glad my article was helpful for you. I also very sorry you are in so much pain. I do not have a direct answer to your question. There is much I do not know.

I am a big fan of honesty. If you like this man and are not misleading him into thinking you are ready for a committed relationship at this point, then I would say the ball is in his court. He can choose if he wants to wait to see if you will develop loving feelings for him or he can choose to cut his losses and find someone who is ready for a commitment.

However, if you think you cannot engage in relationship with him now or ever, then I believe the kind thing is to let him go. I also believe love is a verb. It's something you do and it is a matter of choosing to do it. You can love again if it is important to you.

I don't know if this brief answer has been helpful but I do have an ebook called, Prepare to Love Again eBook that might be helpful for you. Let me know if you are interested and I'll give you the information.

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